Respecting COVID Grief: A Call for Compassion and Understanding

As a mom, I’ve made it a point to wear masks when my friend and I take our kids to play outside. Even though we are both fully vaccinated and the CDC guidelines suggest we don’t need to, I can tell from her reactions that she feels safer with me masked. So, despite the heat, I keep it on. It’s a little bothersome, but her comfort and peace of mind matter more to me than my own preference. She isn’t ready for what others deem “normal” just yet—especially when it involves kids running around without masks, which goes against CDC recommendations.

Neither of us is inherently right or wrong (though if you’re ignoring CDC guidelines, that’s a different story). What is truly wrong is shaming others for not being prepared to embrace someone else’s idea of normal.

We have all endured a year marked by isolation, an overwhelming death toll reminiscent of World War II, uncertainty about COVID-19’s lasting effects, and possibly personal losses. This has been a profound tragedy. Just last year, I found myself in tears, unable to digest the constant stream of COVID-related statistics. More recently, I cried out of anger when I learned about the dire situation in India, where there weren’t enough crematoriums for the deceased. Today, I felt rage again as my governor signed an order allowing students to choose not to wear masks at school—my husband is a teacher.

Let me be clear: I am not ready to embrace your normal. I am still grieving.

The Weight of Loss: Mourning Amidst a Pandemic

Many of us have lost loved ones to COVID-19, and we were deprived of the chance to grieve properly. Each death left behind family and friends who are mourning. It is unfair to tell these individuals that it’s time to move on. They are navigating through pain, fear, and a perpetual state of distress. Allow them the space to heal.

My husband and I lost our last grandparents during the pandemic—not to COVID but to other causes. He attended a masked, socially distanced funeral with only immediate family members, while I opted to skip my grandfather’s funeral as COVID protocols would not be upheld. We were fortunate that we had funerals at all, but “normal” feels distant.

Family estrangements due to COVID-19 have been all too common. Some chose to disregard safety protocols, forcing loved ones to sever ties to protect themselves. This happened to me, and it happened to friends. We realized that those we once trusted weren’t who we thought they were; they prioritized their comfort over the safety of others, revealing a side that was hard to accept. It is painful to witness the true selves of people you care about falling short of your expectations. The callousness displayed by acquaintances regarding science and human life is disheartening. Expecting normalcy from those who are still grappling with trauma is unrealistic.

Isolation and Social Skills: A Struggle to Connect

For many, the isolation of the past year has been a mixed bag. While some adapted, others faced immense challenges. Parents battled against their children’s boredom and lack of social interaction during virtual schooling. My kids fared better than most, but they’re still hesitant. For many, isolation was not filled with snacks and binge-watching shows; it was a relentless cycle of anxiety and fear. I know this firsthand, as my youngest refused to leave our property for five long months.

After a year of isolation, our social skills have taken a hit. I now find myself staring at people too long, unsure if I know them or admiring an outfit. The thought of reconnecting with friends over brunch fills me with dread, as I feel my social skills have vanished. I’m even awkward in emails!

Please do not expect me to return to “normal” behavior anytime soon. I simply can’t manage it.

The Need for Patience as We Navigate Our New Normal

You might feel ready to resume life as it was before—sending your kids to school without masks and feeling confident about safety measures. However, when I meet up with friends for brunch, my children will still be masked. They are not in school, and while severe complications from COVID-19 in kids are rare, they do happen. Most importantly, we don’t fully understand the long-term impacts of infection. I refuse to risk my children’s health, even if the odds seem low. My version of normal doesn’t have to align with someone else’s.

Everyone deserves the space to grieve. If we appear anxious, consider wearing your mask around us. It won’t hurt you. If we choose not to dine indoors together, refrain from lecturing us. If we’re still masked, please don’t scowl; for some of us, that mask is a comforting shield.

I sat outside recently in a largely empty plaza, a dozen feet away from others, and still chose to wear my mask. My husband suggested I take it off, but I shook my head. I wasn’t ready for the normalization that others are embracing.

This isn’t about you; it’s about navigating a complex web of grief, fear, anxiety, and mistrust. When people inquire about my well-being as COVID-19 starts to recede, I often think of a David Bowie lyric: “I’ve got scars that can’t be seen.” I don’t resent anyone for their happiness or eagerness to move forward, but please understand that I’m not there yet.

For more insights on navigating motherhood during these times, check out this post on home insemination. For authoritative information, visit Make A Mom and learn about the home insemination process. Additionally, Genetics and IVF Institute offers excellent resources for pregnancy and family planning.

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Summary:

This article emphasizes the importance of compassion and understanding towards those still grieving the losses and trauma caused by the COVID-19 pandemic. It emphasizes that everyone is on their own timeline for returning to what is considered normal, and it urges others to respect this journey without judgment.