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It seems that some of the most challenging conversations with my kids often occur during car rides. Recently, my five-year-old revealed something about herself that made me reconsider how open-minded I am as a parent. She mentioned that a simple blanket between her legs felt physically good at bedtime. It was a moment that surprised me, as I hadn’t anticipated my child sharing something of a sexual nature. However, I am thankful that we have the opportunity to discuss sexual health, even at such a young age. What she revealed, while unexpected, is completely normal, healthy, and age-appropriate.
“Sexual behavior” is a term I am gradually incorporating into my parenting toolkit. There’s no better source for our kids to learn about sexual health than from us, their parents. As children grow, their age and development will guide how they explore their bodies and understand sexual behavior.
When our twin daughters were three, they referred to penises as “peanuts,” which was adorable, so I held off on correcting them. Now that they are five, I realize the importance of using anatomically correct terms, so they understand how to say “penis.” Their questions have evolved to practical inquiries, like “why do boys wear different underwear than girls?” which I can answer with ease.
In the 2-6 age range, children become aware of their bodies and their genitals, leading to curiosity about others’ private parts. For my daughters, this has meant asking questions about breasts and their purpose. We navigated these discussions by providing clear and concise answers, even when it felt uncomfortable. We talked about breastfeeding openly because we wanted them to understand the truth about their bodies and to feel comfortable rather than ashamed of its natural functions.
As my kids now enter the 6-9 age range, their curiosity continues to develop. They seek more privacy and are becoming independent in the bathroom. They often ask questions like “how does a baby come out of a vagina?” or “which hole does the baby come out of?” These inquiries are completely appropriate for their developmental stage. It’s also during this period that they may begin to explore masturbation in private.
As Dr. Sarah Lee, a family physician, notes, teaching children to be discreet about masturbation is essential, but it’s crucial never to shame them for it. “Understanding what feels good and the function of their body parts is an important step toward becoming a healthy young adult.” We know kids enjoy feeling good, and masturbation is one way they can experience this pleasure. If they engage in it in public, we need to guide them on the importance of privacy without shaming them.
Teaching our children about consent is vital. They should understand that their bodies belong to them and that they have the right to say no if they feel uncomfortable with someone else’s touch. This conversation should be ongoing, adapting as they mature.
As children grow into the 10-13 age range, their understanding of healthy sexual behavior continues to expand. Masturbation may persist, ideally in private, while interest in romantic relationships begins to emerge. They will start using terms like masturbation, sex, or intercourse, and their understanding of attraction will evolve, especially as they approach middle school. However, it’s important to remember that every child is unique, and there’s no timeline for when they should experience attraction.
I want my kids to feel seen and accepted for who they are, including their sexual health and behaviors. No one wants to catch their child in a compromising situation, but we must keep the lines of communication open. It’s essential to encourage our children to approach us with questions, fostering a safe space for discussion without shame.
Educating our kids about their bodies is not something they should navigate alone. Just as we support their growth in other areas, we must also prioritize their sexual health. Our responsibility is to ensure our children feel safe, happy, and informed—emotionally, physically, mentally, and sexually.
For more insights, check out this link to one of our other blog posts. You can also find valuable information at Make a Mom regarding home insemination kits. Additionally, WomensHealth.gov is an excellent resource for pregnancy and home insemination advice.
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Summary:
Children start exploring their bodies at a young age, and it’s crucial for parents to be prepared for these conversations. Open discussions about sexual health, consent, and body awareness can help children feel accepted and informed. As they grow, their curiosity about their bodies and sexual behaviors will evolve, making it essential to provide guidance and support without shame.
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