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It’s a sunny weekday, and I find myself gliding around my home in my favorite robe. You might expect a thirty-nine-year-old working mom to be dressed in stylish athleisure or chic jeans and a tee, but instead, I resemble someone who just rolled out of bed.
While assisting my preschooler in the bathroom, I caught a glimpse of my reflection. My bare face, lack of accessories, and comfy robe made me feel tired and, frankly, a little pathetic. Why can’t I get it together? A quick touch of mascara and some coordinated clothes could do wonders. But there I was, spiraling into the depths of internalized ableism, which felt far more unattractive than my appearance.
For over fifteen years, I’ve been living with chronic illness. Autoimmune diseases take a toll, affecting you hour by hour, day by day. Yes, those of us with chronic conditions are resilient, but it’s not a choice; we must manage our illnesses to survive. There’s little room for gray areas.
My journey became even more complex when I was diagnosed with breast cancer four summers ago, following my battle with type 1 diabetes. After enduring a mastectomy and beginning my healing process, I faced a recurrence of cancer this past January, leading to two more surgeries and ongoing chemotherapy.
I know I have every right to wear my robe. Its softness is a source of comfort amid an uncomfortable reality. With hair loss, scars, and various unpleasant side effects from treatment, I’m exhausted, and no amount of coffee can change that. I experience dizzy spells, aches, and other distressing symptoms all while battling cancer.
One challenge I navigate is the constant comparison to healthy moms on social media. They seem to manage everything effortlessly—redecorating, running, and juggling kids’ activities. I feel I ought to be doing the same, but simply walking around my house feels like a monumental task.
Internalized ableism whispers that I should be tougher, more positive, and that my healing is all in my hands. I often hear the phrase “God only gives the toughest battles to the strongest,” which adds to the pressure to appear strong. People tell me to “get well soon,” as though recovery is a switch I can flip.
Even when I avoid social media, the nagging “shoulds” linger. I should be running errands, working, or exercising instead of shuffling in my robe. To combat these damaging thoughts, I remind myself that chemotherapy is a significant undertaking. It’s a harsh treatment that comes with a myriad of side effects. I have every right to find solace in my robe, no matter the hour.
I also recognize that this situation is not permanent. Soon, I’ll no longer have chemo infusions, and while radiation is on the horizon, it doesn’t carry the same heavy side effects. If I still need the comfort of my robe and quiet days at home, then so be it.
My focus now is on healing, which requires time, patience, and a shift in mindset. I used to pride myself on productivity, but now, simply showering or loading the dishwasher can be a triumph. I’ve learned to conserve energy and celebrate small victories, clearly identifying what uplifts me versus what drains me.
I’ve become candid about my health when people inquire how I’m doing. I rarely say “fine” because I’m not often fine. Most days, I’m either managing well or struggling with simple tasks. I’m not here to shield anyone’s feelings about my reality.
Battling physical or mental health issues is challenging enough without the added weight of internalized ableism. Society bombards us with messages that we’re not “normal” or “enough,” and eventually, those messages can become the narrative we tell ourselves. We must fight both our health battles and the internalized ableism that plagues us. It’s exhausting and confusing.
I sometimes find myself succumbing to these toxic beliefs, but I have a choice: to embrace or reject them. Although it’s often easier to accept them, it’s not beneficial. My healing journey is complex, but it is not impossible. Internalized ableism will not define me.
For those interested in exploring more about home insemination, check out this in-depth resource on plant aesthetics, or visit Make a Mom for expert insights on fertility journeys. Additionally, Womens Health offers valuable information on pregnancy and home insemination.
Related Search Queries:
- What is internalized ableism?
- How to manage chronic illness?
- Coping with cancer treatment side effects
- Understanding autoimmune diseases
- Finding comfort during illness
Summary: Internalized ableism is a significant yet often overlooked challenge for individuals living with chronic illnesses. The pressure to conform to societal expectations can be overwhelming, but understanding and accepting one’s own journey is crucial. Embracing comfort and patience during the healing process is essential for well-being.
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