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Growing up, I was an overachiever—a straight-A student, a varsity tennis player, and a champion in Academic Decathlon. Yet, I had a secret: I was infatuated with boys. I really dislike the term “boy crazy.” Why is it that no one ever says “girl crazy”? Is it because society expects boys to always be focused on girls? I often wondered if my feelings were typical, especially since discussions about teenage romance were strictly off-limits in my household.
Whenever I brought up a boy, even if he was just a friend, my parents would sternly remind me that dating was off the table until I turned 25. As an avid reader, I occasionally stumbled upon books with adult themes, such as “The Joy of Sex.” The moment my parents caught wind of my findings, those books would vanish. Even during family movie nights, if a sex scene appeared on screen, my mom would hastily fast-forward, blocking my view. If I positioned myself just right, I could catch glimpses of those fast-forwarded scenes in the reflection of the armoire mirror, all without her noticing.
Starting high school at just 13, I became aware of the sheer number of students around me—2,000 in total, with roughly half being boys. A friend from the tennis team introduced me to her brother’s friend, A., who was 16 and had a car. I was thrilled at the prospect of dating an older guy who could guide me through the process, especially since my prior experience was limited to a single awkward kiss. A. picked me up from my friend’s house, where I told my parents I would be on a date at the ice rink. While we were out, my mom called my friend—back in the days before cell phones—wondering why I had been “in the bathroom” for so long. Being grounded only intensified my desire to see A. again. However, the relationship quickly faded when I realized he was just as inexperienced as I was.
At 14, I attended sleepaway camp for the first time. Somehow, my parents agreed to let me go, likely because it was a tennis camp and a friend was joining me. Naturally, I developed a crush on one of the counselors, C., a 17-year-old with sun-kissed skin and charming blond curls. I sensed he liked me too. Recently, I was reminded of this when I heard about a Wyoming State Senator who had impregnated a girl when he was 18 and she was only 14. I can’t help but think that could have been me if C. hadn’t recognized that a 14-year-old is still a child and acted appropriately.
When I was 16 or 17, I met G., who was close to my age but a grade below me. We hit it off and knew our time together was limited. During school breaks, I would tell my parents I was going to the library, while in reality, G. and I were hanging out at his house while his single mom was at work. She provided him with a box of condoms and told him that if he ever ran out, she’d buy more—no questions asked. I was stunned; I couldn’t fathom having that kind of conversation with my parents, who never even discussed the basics of birth control with me.
Now, as a parent myself, I ponder whether I would have been as infatuated and willing to put myself in risky situations—like getting into a car with a 16-year-old—had the topic of dating and sex not been so shrouded in secrecy. Even at 40, if someone tells me not to do something, I feel an overwhelming urge to do it, which is why I often indulge in junk food and stay up late!
I am committed to taking a different approach with my children—promoting openness and honesty to demystify a natural aspect of human life. A close friend recently faced an unplanned pregnancy. Though my kids are still young, I seized the moment to discuss the potential consequences of sex, including the possibility of becoming a parent when you might not be emotionally or financially ready. My younger son mistakenly believed that pregnancy was solely a woman’s issue until I corrected him. He’s only 7, and I won’t let him enter the world without a clear understanding of this topic.
As my children approach their teenage years and inevitably have more complex questions about dating and sex, I want them to feel comfortable coming to me instead of seeking answers from peers or, even worse, from adults who might take advantage of them. I’m laying the groundwork for these conversations by introducing the mechanics and emotional intricacies as they grow. Regardless of what they ask, I strive to remain composed and nonchalant, no matter my own feelings, to ensure they feel safe discussing anything with me. I truly believe this approach will yield better results than hiding books and blocking TV screens. Only time will reveal the outcome.
For more insights on parenting and related topics, check out this other blog post here or explore fertility boosters for men, an excellent resource on the subject. If you’re looking for more information about IVF and fertility preservation, this podcast here is a fantastic resource.
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In summary, my upbringing taught me that open discussions about dating and sex were taboo, but I refuse to raise my children in that environment. By fostering transparency and honesty, I hope to equip them with the knowledge they need to navigate their relationships safely and responsibly.
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