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When I first discovered I was pregnant with my first child at 28, I had no idea what was coming my way. I devoured countless books, blogs, and websites, eager to learn what to expect when my little one arrived. By the time my son was born, I felt equipped to handle any situation; I could have written a manual on nursing or dealing with colic. The early years went smoothly, and everything seemed to be unfolding as planned.
At our pediatrician appointments, he hit all his milestones. His growth measurements were normal, and he was feeding himself right on schedule. I felt no anxiety—he was a bright little chatterbox, which I loved. However, I didn’t realize at the time that his advanced verbal skills were the first signs that he was a bit different from the average child.
Two years later, I welcomed my second son, who also appeared to be developing without issues. Between the two of them, there weren’t even food allergies to worry about. Everything seemed perfect. But as my oldest began preschool, it became clear that he was standing out. He was not just academically gifted; he was different in ways I couldn’t quite understand. The resources I had didn’t address how to handle a gifted preschooler or what to do when your child’s abilities exceed what the books describe.
While I could easily find information on common childhood issues like eczema or vision problems, I was at a loss about navigating the complexities of giftedness. I needed to connect with other moms who could relate, but I struggled to find that support anywhere.
As my son entered elementary school, his advanced skills continued to shine, but soon ADHD symptoms began to emerge. I felt blindsided. No one had prepared me for this. The literature had assured me he’d be reading by kindergarten, but it hadn’t warned me about the challenges of a child who would pop a stability ball with a pencil out of boredom. I was unprepared for the call from school asking for a meeting regarding potential intervention. It sent me into a panic. What had I done wrong? Was this something I could have prevented? My reading hadn’t mentioned anything like this.
The books provided no guidance on navigating the difficult conversations around ADHD medication either. I would have appreciated a chapter titled, “Welcome to the World of Medication: Expect Judgement Regardless of Your Choice.” Instead, I found myself overwhelmed and heartbroken when we finally decided to medicate my son. The opinions from others flooded in—concerns that medication would stunt his growth, turn him into a zombie, or lead to addiction. On top of dealing with my son’s struggles, I was burdened with mom guilt that no one had warned me about.
Just when I thought we were adapting to our new normal, my second son began having attention issues too. What was I doing wrong? I had ensured they were well-fed, monitored their screen time, and encouraged physical activity. I even wondered if my past choices during my pregnancies had something to do with these challenges. I turned to Google for answers, but found nothing. I spoke with our doctor, and realized that my second son’s symptoms differed, leading to a different treatment approach that I hadn’t been aware of.
As I was juggling all of this, I was also raising a toddler and expecting my fourth child. Where were the resources that addressed the intricacies of parenting multiple children with behavioral challenges while managing a busy household? I needed guidance on overcoming mommy burnout. I wished for a TED Talk on how to cope with the feeling of being the worst mother on the planet.
In those early years, I appreciated the resources available for common infant issues like thrush or sleep training, but as my children grew, I found myself increasingly unprepared for their unique challenges. I felt ashamed, as if my children’s difficulties reflected my parenting failures. But the truth is, I was just a regular mom doing my best. I learned that many families face their own set of challenges, and perfection is a myth.
Reflecting on my 13 years of parenting, I’ve come to realize that each family’s journey is different. The wealth of information available today is incredible, and I’m grateful for platforms like this one, which allow me to share my experiences and connect with others. I’ve read many stories that resonate deeply, reminding me that I’m not alone in this journey.
As a mom who has navigated chronic ear infections, ADHD, and behavioral issues, my advice is to never hesitate to share your story or embrace your reality. There are countless parents who understand both your joys and your struggles. While books may not cover every experience, the diversity of parenting paths is what makes our community so rich.
For more insights into parenting challenges, check out one of our other blog posts here. For those on a fertility journey, Make a Mom offers valuable resources. Additionally, visit NICHD for comprehensive information on pregnancy and home insemination.
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- Parenting children with ADHD
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Summary:
Navigating the challenges of parenting children with behavioral and learning difficulties can feel overwhelming. When Jamie discovered her first son was both gifted and faced ADHD, she felt unprepared and isolated. Despite having read extensively during her pregnancies, she found a lack of resources addressing the complexities of her sons’ unique needs. As she learned to adapt to their challenges, Jamie realized she was not alone and that many families face similar struggles. By sharing her story, she hopes to connect with other parents and encourage them to embrace their experiences.
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