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“Mom, can we finally visit the water park for my birthday now that Covid is improving?”
I was prepared for the question, as she had been asking weekly for the past year. However, I was taken aback by how quickly my thoughts shifted to how much I could slim down before then. Over the past year, I thought I had found some acceptance with my body. Yet, the mere thought of squeezing my post-pandemic figure into a pre-pandemic swimsuit sent me into a tailspin.
The summer of 2020 felt like a blur. While my kids and I spent time outdoors, hiking and gardening, I remember feeling relieved that I didn’t have to don a bathing suit. Oh, the joy of wearing full-coverage outfits! This past year, my focus was on simply surviving day-to-day life. For once, I didn’t have the energy to berate myself for indulging in dessert or opting for cereal for dinner. Honestly, fitting in a jog before work was the least of my worries. We had over a year—not just winter—to prepare for summer.
And guess what? I didn’t lift a finger to alter my body for the warmer season. My priority was clear: keep my little ones healthy and get through my workdays without losing my sanity. That was all that truly mattered.
As I rummaged through my summer wardrobe for my swimsuits, I was reminded of my habit of holding onto clothes that are too small, convinced I would fit into them one day. Yes, even the red string bikini from Victoria’s Secret I bought in 2008 and never wore.
Along with that, I unearthed another bikini, two plunging one-pieces, and a tankini with a skirted bottom. Waves of anxiety, embarrassment, and shame washed over me. This wasn’t how I was meant to feel. I had hoped that keeping these swimsuits would inspire me, but all it did was bring me to tears. They reminded me of a time when I was smaller—a time when I mistreated my body. For a fleeting moment, I questioned whether it was really that bad back then. Did I endure as much as I believed? After all, pain is beauty, right? Wrong. Just because we’ve heard it a million times doesn’t mean it’s true.
After a brief moment of self-pity, I decided against trying on the suits. Sure, I could have squeezed into them like a sausage, but what would that achieve? Prioritizing my mental well-being and being gentle with my body still feels foreign at times. Intentionally making choices like this has become a vital part of my body acceptance journey.
I tossed those swimsuits into a donation bag and hopped onto Target’s website to find a replacement. This time, my focus shifted to purchasing something that fit my current body, not an idealized version of myself.
How would I feel wearing it? Would it allow me to do everything I wanted? Would I be constantly hiding my softer, curvier self? Or would I finally be able to embrace the wonderful memories I create with my kids? Answering these questions helped me focus on my feelings rather than worrying about others’ opinions. I realized I had made more progress in accepting my body than my initial reaction suggested.
So why am I sharing this? Summer is here, and for the first time since 2019, we can truly enjoy it. But remember: just because life is returning to normal doesn’t mean we should carry forward anxiety, shame, or embarrassment.
This past year has shown us that life is fleeting and should be cherished. Don’t postpone valuable moments with loved ones waiting to lose those extra pounds. Shift your focus from how you look in a swimsuit to how you feel. Will I lose weight before my daughter’s 9th birthday? Who knows?
But I do know this: I’m going for that strapless top and high-waisted bottoms because I want to get a great tan. I’m going to pick a suit I love for its colors, not out of guilt to fit into it. I might not be as ready for the post-pandemic swimsuit season as I hoped, but I’m ready to savor my summer, and I want you to be too.
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In summary, I realized that body acceptance is a journey, especially as summer arrives. It’s essential to prioritize mental health over societal pressures and to cherish moments with loved ones rather than worry about fitting a certain image.
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