We’ve all encountered those over-the-top memes that simplify complex relationships: “This is Jake — he’s a conservative. This is Lily — she voted liberal. They’re still friends, blah, blah, blah…” Honestly, I find that hard to believe. It’s absolutely acceptable to walk away from a friendship in light of the significant political and social upheavals in the world. While I don’t think it’s essential to sever ties over differing viewpoints, it’s crucial to remember that you can end a relationship due to any misalignment with someone. You don’t have to cling to a friendship merely because it has been a part of your past or because the other person wishes to maintain the title.
When the pandemic began, I had no idea what the next year and a half would bring. A divorce, single parenting, two relocations, a book deal, a TV hosting opportunity, the release of my memoir, and managing my own business were just the beginning. Add to that the constant fear of a deadly virus and the experience of being cooped up at home, and I found myself with little free time. This forced me to reassess how I spent those precious moments, making me incredibly selective about who I chose to spend time with.
One of those people was someone I considered my “best friend” at the time. We had connected a few years earlier, shortly after the 2016 election. It wasn’t until nearly a year into our friendship that I discovered our starkly contrasting political views. Despite sharing common interests in motherhood, writing, grief, and marriage, the onset of the 2020 election highlighted our differences. It solidified our positions on opposite sides of the political divide and infiltrated nearly all of our discussions.
Initially, we engaged in calm debates that often ended with me smiling and nodding, just to bring the conversation to a close. She would thank me for my patience, claiming she couldn’t have these discussions with anyone else because they wouldn’t respond in the same manner. Over time, I realized that I was the only one who consistently backed down while upholding my values in her presence. I began to feel resentful about how our conversations unfolded, particularly as my book— a true crime memoir focused on victim advocacy— was published. I grew increasingly frustrated with her questions regarding the message of my work, which ultimately represented my journey.
Then came her planned get-together, a small outdoor gathering. I suppose I brought my pent-up frustrations with me. About an hour in, she started sharing her thoughts on the events of the past year, including the recent election. “I just don’t think our kids will ever recover from this past year,” she lamented, sipping her wine. That was it; I couldn’t hold back anymore. I felt compelled to voice my own beliefs.
While I now recognize that the timing could have been better, I also understand that she wouldn’t have been receptive to my perspective due to the boundaries we had established. Still, I stated, “My opinion might not be popular, but as a former homeschool teacher, I believe our kids are more resilient than we think. All our kids are under ten, and none of us have contracted COVID. This means it’s our responsibility to shield them from some of the craziness.”
I expected to be heard—after all, I was expressing a valid point. But instead, I was met with, “So, you’re saying I’m a bad mom?” I was taken aback. I reassured her that wasn’t my intention, emphasizing that with dedication and perspective, our children would be okay. She shot back, “You were a teacher; this year was a lot easier for you, we get it.”
Easy? My year was a nightmare! In my defense, I found myself launching into a long explanation of my struggles to prove it wasn’t simple. “So, you think your year was harder than ours? We faced challenges too,” she retorted. There was no way to win this argument. I finally experienced what it was like to stand my ground, but the confrontation ended with me in tears and ultimately dissolved our friendship.
Initially, it stung to lose someone over what appeared to be a trivial issue, especially after the tumultuous year we had endured. Though we attempted to reconnect via email afterward, I sensed it wouldn’t succeed—not because of the hurtful manner in which we parted ways, but because I finally recognized how invisible and unheard I felt. I became at peace with the end of our friendship.
Relationships should thrive on mutual respect, communication, and understanding. They can continue effortlessly when both parties honor each other. Loyalty is often celebrated, but what about loyalty to oneself? If a friendship requires you to compromise your values, communication style, or even your energy, it’s not worth holding onto. You have the option to move on at your own pace, as it takes time to understand others and even more to understand yourself.
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Summary:
Navigating friendships during challenging times, such as a pandemic, can lead to difficult decisions. This article reflects on the author’s experience of ending a close friendship due to deep-seated differences in values and communication styles. It emphasizes the importance of prioritizing one’s own beliefs and well-being over maintaining relationships that no longer serve a purpose. Ultimately, realizing when to let go can lead to personal growth and self-discovery.
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