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I have an eight-year-old son named Oliver. He’s sharp, freckled, and the most inventive child I know. As my third boy (I affectionately refer to them as Handsome 1, 2, and 3), he’s as scrappy as they come, always up to some mischief, the quiet yet cunning type. My little guy keeps me on my toes—oh, and he has a strong aversion to wearing pants. Last summer, I was completely unprepared for our annual check-up at the pediatrician.
The visit started off like any other: height, weight, blood pressure, and pulse—everything was normal. The kids were all in the 50th percentile, just as they had been since birth. Next, we moved to the hallway for the vision tests, which always makes me anxious. My husband has terrible eyesight, and I constantly worry about the kids inheriting that. So far, only Handsome #2 needed glasses. As I waited, my heart raced. Handsome #1 and my daughter passed with flying colors, but when it came to Oliver, he struggled. Oh no! I thought. Is he going down the path of bad vision? My heart sank a little for him. We were referred to an eye doctor for a follow-up.
Once home, I tried to soften the blow by letting him browse for glasses online. He was ecstatic! He created a favorites list with big frames, small frames, vivid colors, and classic black. He even asked if he could have more than one pair. Bless his heart! He was taking it surprisingly well, and I felt proud of his positive attitude. It shouldn’t have surprised me; he loves trying on other people’s glasses. Even his goggles resemble them. The next day, we headed to the eye doctor for his first appointment.
Oliver was a bit nervous when we walked into the eye doctor’s office, filled with peculiar equipment and funny chairs. But he was ready to dive in. I filled out forms while the technician started asking him questions.
“Do you have trouble seeing things up close?”
“Yes.”
“How about far away?”
“Yep!”
“Does bright light bother you?”
“Uh huh. All the time.”
“How well do you do in the dark?”
“I can’t see anything.”
My heart dropped. How had I missed this? My sweet boy, who once wore shoes two sizes too small just to avoid bothering me, had been quietly struggling.
The eye exam began with the technician showing him a book with small letters. He did fine on the first line with his right eye, only missing a couple of letters. But by the third line, it was a complete disaster. I was stunned! The left eye exam mirrored the right, which seemed odd. I thought it was unusual to have identical vision in both eyes, but I remained optimistic. She moved on to the larger letters, and I hoped he would do better.
The lights dimmed, and he covered his right eye, looking innocent with that little spoon resting on his face. I was sure he would ace it. The huge E appeared on the screen—the kind you could see from the parking lot. He squinted, paused, then said, “P?” There was uncertainty in his voice.
“Oh my gosh!” I whispered to myself. Everyone can see the E! Even my husband, who struggles to see, can manage that! This was worse than I thought.
As the technician switched screens, Oliver continued to miss letters. His performance was dismal; he was hovering around a 10% success rate on each line. It was clear he needed glasses. Just when I thought things couldn’t get worse, he made a blunder that revealed his secret. In a moment of distraction, he read an entire line of letters flawlessly!
Oh my goodness! He had been faking the whole time! I was ready to pray for his vision, and here he was deceiving me!
When the doctor arrived, he asked, “I hear you’re having some trouble seeing. Let’s take a look.” After checking his eyes, the doctor showed him different lenses, asking which one was clearer. “One or two?” Oliver replied that he couldn’t see out of either. The doctor asked again, and Oliver continued to insist he couldn’t see. But then, he slipped up again, reading a line perfectly.
“Two! Definitely two!” Oliver exclaimed with newfound enthusiasm.
The doctor chuckled, “Excellent. Your vision is perfect. 20/20. See you next year!”
The look of despair on Oliver’s face was heartbreaking. He thought he had executed his plan flawlessly. I paid the hefty copay and we headed to the car in silence.
“Oliver, why did you pretend you couldn’t see if you really could?”
“Mom! I can’t see! That doctor doesn’t know what he’s doing!”
I shot him a look that said, “I know you’re not being honest!” He couldn’t hold it in anymore. “Fine! I don’t need glasses. I just want them because they’re cool! I’ll wear Handsome #2’s old ones!”
“That’s not how it works, buddy.”
“Well, if that’s the case, I’ll wear Dad’s. I’m getting glasses someday. I promise!”
This promise came from a boy who clearly saw no reason to give up. Next week, Handsome #2 is getting braces, and I can’t help but wonder if Oliver will come up with a scheme to make his teeth look crooked too.
For more stories that resonate with the ups and downs of parenting, check out this blog post. If you’re curious about home insemination options, visit Make a Mom, a trusted source on the subject. For additional information on intrauterine insemination, Healthline offers excellent resources.
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Summary:
In a humorous recounting of a pediatric visit, Emma shares how her clever son, Oliver, attempted to fake an eye exam to get glasses, believing they were cool. His antics unfold during a routine check-up, leading to a shocking revelation that he could see perfectly well. Ultimately, it highlights the lengths children will go to get what they want while providing a lighthearted glimpse into the challenges of parenting.
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