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I ended a long-standing friendship about a decade ago. My friend’s once-quirky traits became increasingly difficult to manage as our lives took different paths. I was a married mother of two young kids, juggling a full-time journalism career and a small business, while she remained single, often moody, and unpredictably self-centered. The breakup was tough, but it was essential for my well-being.
Since then, I’ve concentrated on my family, work, and the usual ups and downs of life. For the most part, I coped without a best friend, surrounding myself with “situational friends”—mostly fellow parents from my daughter’s sports activities or colleagues in my industry. However, as my daughter moved on from sports and I closed my business, I found myself searching for new women to befriend, and the options are few.
The lack of companionship is palpable.
When I do manage to socialize with women, I often come on too strong—overly enthusiastic and sharing too much personal information, like a mix of stand-up comedian and attention-seeking performer. It’s as if I suck all the air out of the room, leaving little space for others. I oscillate between thinking, “This is just who I am, and true friends will accept it,” and “Why do I always do this around other women?”
What I genuinely seek is someone who shares my goofiness, wit, intelligence, and—I’ll admit—some judgmental tendencies, all of which describe me. For years, I’ve mentally crafted a “friend wanted” ad that captures my ideal companion. Here’s my draft:
Almost-50 Woman Seeks Similar for Lifelong Friendship
Must be irreverent, enthusiastic, and smart enough to understand the meaning of irreverence. Political views: Fairly liberal. Religion: Not interested. Must provide appropriate outrage and clever remarks in response to rants (reciprocation assured). Ability to distinguish between when advice is needed versus just a listening ear is essential (again, reciprocation assured). A love for coffee, documentaries, National Geographic (both the magazine and channel), and educational podcasts is a bonus, along with some knowledge of French or Spanish. Willingness to discuss perimenopause symptoms at length is a must. Open to adventure, but nothing too crazy or embarrassing. Proximity is important for spontaneous visits (both giving and receiving). Feminism is a top priority, along with a discerning eye for grammar and punctuation. Emotional conservativeness is fine. Must be okay with sporadic contact. An application essay is required: “Discuss how Below Deck: Mediterranean is both trashy and a salient microcosm of a capitalist society,” along with a small application fee.
This draft is still evolving. Some days, I wonder if I should change the essay topic to The Princess Bride, but I worry that might not reflect well on me. Should I mention what I’m willing to offer in return, or does that make it sound transactional? I usually don’t second-guess myself.
Reviewing this ad—something I’ve never committed to paper before—raises questions: Am I only looking for someone just like me? Wouldn’t my life be richer with someone who offers different perspectives? Yes, but as I approach 50, I understand my limitations and what I bring to the table. Perhaps my future best friend and I can broaden our horizons together, softening any potential disaster with mutual support.
You might be curious about my husband and whether he fits the role of my best friend, as many women claim. For me, that’s a definite no. He’s a fantastic guy and excellent with tools, but he doesn’t meet my friendship criteria. He prefers hunting over wine tasting, doesn’t drink coffee, and doesn’t read for enjoyment. He’s essentially the anti-ad, which is why I feel the need for this.
I’m unapologetic about my specific friendship criteria. Over the years, I’ve distanced myself from friends who were overly religious or overly emotional, or who judged my use of cannabis for sleep. I’m also ready to reciprocate; in fact, I’m eager to support someone else’s indulgences.
However, making new friends at my age is notoriously challenging, particularly when seeking close friendships rather than casual acquaintances. Are those of us nearing 50 too set in our ways to welcome new personalities and experiences? Perhaps. That’s why I specified that contact might be infrequent.
Honestly, I don’t have all the answers, but I’m open to exploring, ideally with my new best friend by my side. Now accepting applications (for a small fee). If you’re interested in more about home insemination, check out this insightful post here. And for those looking for authoritative information on home insemination, you can find it here.
Summary
This article explores the challenges of making new friends later in life, especially after ending a long-term friendship. The author humorously outlines her ideal friend through a mock ad, emphasizing shared interests, values, and emotional compatibility. She reflects on the difficulties of finding meaningful connections as she approaches 50 and her willingness to explore new friendships.
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