I'm a Relentless Reminder, and I Blame My Teenage Son

June 28, 2021

I can’t help but be a relentless reminder, but I swear it’s not entirely my fault! As a mom to a teenage boy, I find that the responsibility for my nagging tendencies lies squarely with him. Trust me, there’s a scientific explanation behind it!

He’s the one with a developing frontal lobe and those typical teenage hormones, needing my guidance yet pushing me away at every turn. He leans on me for support while simultaneously attributing blame for anything that goes awry. And honestly, I’m convinced he hears every word I say but selectively chooses to ignore it.

Let’s make one thing clear: I’m his biggest supporter. Yet, he’s also the reason I often find myself reaching for that extra glass of wine. I’d do anything for him, but boy, can he be infuriating!

Understanding the Teenage Mind

Parents in my shoes understand the harsh realities that define most teenage boys:

They believe they know it all (just ask them).
They feel entitled to freedom, doing whatever they please without question.
They think the universe revolves around fulfilling their immediate desires.
When things go sideways, it’s never their fault.

And guess who they turn to for help navigating these expectations? You got it – their moms. From day one, we’ve been there for them, meeting their needs unconditionally. It’s almost like an instinct; caring for my son was something I relished. His demands were always more intense than those of my fiercely independent daughters. He needed me more… and, let’s face it, he still does.

Now, instead of those adorable little arms wrapping around my legs for comfort, his signals have become more complex. Those once-chubby arms are now long and hairy, often crossed defensively over his chest, especially when he’s anxious, hurt, scared, or just perpetually hungry.

These boys know that we moms are always ready to provide support, and they depend on us for that. But here’s the kicker: they’re teenagers now and soon they’ll be flying the nest we’ve painstakingly built for them. The reality of that is daunting for both sides! We realize they’ll soon have to tackle life’s challenges independently, and that’s precisely when we start to nag.

The Challenge of Letting Go

As they approach adulthood, it dawns on us that our time to help shape them into responsible individuals is limited. We panic and become hyper-aware of their behaviors, while their teenage brains are hardwired to tune us out. What was once an eye-roll for “boys will be boys” suddenly turns into a critical alert. Suddenly, it’s imperative that the empty glass goes straight into the dishwasher, the wet towel gets hung up immediately, and those stinky socks find their way into the hamper! Our sons, however, can’t comprehend why we expect them to act without constant reminders, or why they can’t just say they’ll handle it later. Toss in their raging hormones and our own hormonal changes, and you’ve got a perfect storm brewing in the house!

But we keep telling ourselves that this too shall pass. Just like the terrible twos and their obsession with superheroes. During these sleepless, anxiety-ridden teenage years, we moms have to dig deep and remind ourselves that we’ve done a good job and that our boys will eventually figure things out, especially when we’re not there to do it for them. It’s also crucial to remember that while our teenage sons may not express it openly, they do love us, even if it’s hidden beneath layers of sweat and teenage angst. Behind every nagging mother lies a heart full of unconditional love, and someday, when they become well-adjusted adults, they may thank us—not for the nagging, but for helping them become the best versions of themselves.

Summary

Being a mom to a teenage boy often means stepping into the nagging role as we prepare them for independence. As they navigate their teenage years, the pressure increases for both mothers and sons. Despite the challenges, it’s essential to remember that our love keeps us connected, and our sons will hopefully appreciate our efforts when they mature.