Navigating the 'Body Hair Conversation' with Your Teen

As any parent of a teenager can attest, some discussions can feel like navigating through a minefield. Even the slightest sensitive topic must be approached with care and compassion—every single time. The way you handle these conversations can greatly affect your future interactions on similar subjects.

Take hygiene, for instance. Some teens might feel shy about it, while others are more open. Some may request deodorants targeted at their age group, such as those from popular brands, while others might have their own unique preferences. Ultimately, as parents, our role is to support their choices. When my son opted for a classic Old Spice, inspired by his grandfather, we made our way to the store without delay. I was simply pleased he was willing to use deodorant, as a discussion about soap would have been another matter entirely.

Many teenagers struggle to talk about their changing bodies, and body hair is no exception. As parents, it can be challenging to know how to approach this topic delicately. The key takeaway is that their bodies belong to them. They are constantly learning about their physical changes and personal comfort levels. It’s essential to offer them the freedom to explore these aspects of themselves.

Think back to your own teenage years when someone made an unkind remark about your appearance. Comments like, “Wow, that’s a lot of makeup,” or “Girls shouldn’t have mustaches,” can linger for years. Many of us have faced such remarks, which can be deeply impactful.

According to the American Psychological Association, adolescents, despite their protests, still need guidance and support from adults. One way to show your kids that you appreciate them is by allowing them to make choices regarding their bodies, including body hair.

Every child matures at their own pace. Some boys may have full beards by thirteen, while some girls might have hair on their upper lip but none in their armpits. Just as their personalities differ, so do their bodies. We should encourage them to accept themselves as they are.

If your son wants to shave his body hair, let him; it doesn’t define his sexuality. If your daughter chooses to let her underarm or leg hair grow, that’s her choice as well. It’s just body hair—let’s give them the autonomy they deserve. If you’re curious about their choices, ask gently, but don’t impose your own insecurities or biases on them.

There are numerous guides available for parents discussing shaving with their kids, and if they decide to shave, that’s their personal choice. Help them get the necessary supplies to achieve their desired look. For example, Laura Jackson’s “Januhairy” campaign in 2019 encouraged women to embrace their natural body hair, garnering thousands of posts. This movement highlights the importance of loving oneself.

Your teen might not want to have this conversation with you, and that’s completely fine. You can invite them to share their thoughts, assuring them that you are there to listen. Affirming their bodily autonomy will empower them to lead the discussion.

Every conversation with teens can be delicate. However, we should approach all discussions in the same way: keep your emotions in check, create a safe space, and listen actively. Be honest about your own experiences with body hair, even if they differ from theirs.

Above all, maintain an open mind. You don’t want your child to feel judged or ashamed during this conversation. Remember, body hair is not a big deal unless we make it one. If they choose to shave, it will grow back; if they prefer to let it be, they can always change their minds later.

Ultimately, this is about respecting their choices regarding their bodies. Just as you have the autonomy to decide what to do with your own body, so should they.

This article was originally published on July 2, 2021. For more insights, check out this related blog post.