Critics of Co-Sleeping Should Cease Their Shame Campaign

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When you celebrate the birth of your child, you might expect the world to share in your joy. Instead, it often feels like you’ve opened the floodgates to unsolicited opinions and critiques about your parenting choices. From the names you’ve chosen for your little one to your parenting methods, it can feel like a relentless barrage of judgment. “Who would name their son Alex?” they might say, or they’ll question your choice of crib or feeding method.

One day, while shopping, a stranger even approached me and forcibly pulled my child’s thumb from his mouth, babbling about how “little boys shouldn’t suck their thumbs.” I was so taken aback that I could only stand there in shock. That moment made me realize that I couldn’t keep letting others dictate how I raised my child.

To avoid confrontation, especially while carrying my baby in a baby carrier, I began to keep my parenting methods to myself. For instance, I never disclosed that I co-slept with my infant son. Like many parents, we hadn’t intended to do this, and the reasons behind it don’t really matter. What matters is that by remaining silent, I avoided the intense scrutiny that comes with openly discussing co-sleeping.

Statistics and misleading data are often thrown around, and while some horror stories circulate, responsible co-sleepers are aware of safety guidelines—like avoiding sleeping on couches or while intoxicated. It’s crucial to remember that babies thrive on the skin-to-skin contact they get from co-sleeping with their parents, a practice that has been common for over 200,000 years. Yet, pro-co-sleeping arguments are frequently dismissed.

Interestingly, I’ve never encountered a co-sleeper criticizing those who choose not to share a bed with their infants. They understand that parenting choices are not one-size-fits-all. However, the critics seem eager to shame and label those who do choose to co-sleep.

This criticism can be especially damaging for new mothers who are already dealing with the overwhelming changes brought on by childbirth. According to Postpartumdepression.org, roughly 1 in 7 mothers in the U.S. experience depression within the first year postpartum, equating to approximately 600,000 cases. Many of these women never seek treatment, meaning the actual number could be much higher. The World Health Organization highlights that women face a significantly increased risk of psychiatric hospitalization shortly after giving birth.

Furthermore, while the causes of postpartum depression aren’t entirely understood, the societal pressure and judgment placed on co-sleeping mothers can worsen their mental health. A 2018 study cited by Emily Glover on Motherly.com indicated that moms who co-slept for extended periods reported higher rates of depression—not necessarily due to co-sleeping itself, but because they felt judged by others.

If critics realized how their words and judgments could impact a mother’s mental health—and ultimately her child’s well-being—would they reconsider their stance? There is a well-documented link between postpartum depression and negative outcomes in child development, such as delayed cognitive skills and behavioral issues.

The irony is that those who criticize co-sleeping in the name of child safety might be inadvertently causing harm through their shame campaigns. It truly takes a supportive community to raise a child, and that community must recognize that what works for one family may not be right for another. If they can’t embrace this understanding, it would be best for them to simply refrain from commenting.

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Summary

The article discusses the societal pressures surrounding co-sleeping, emphasizing the mental health impacts of judgment on new mothers. It argues for a more compassionate understanding of diverse parenting choices and highlights the potential long-term effects of postpartum depression on both mothers and their children.