4 Things I Had to Let Go of to Become a Better Parent

1. I Stopped Chasing ‘Mom Friends’

“How’s your search for new ‘mom friends’ going?” This was a common question I faced during my son’s first year. I had heard about the deep connections that could form in local mothers’ groups, but they didn’t resonate with me. Instead, I found myself surrounded by anxious parents who were all grappling with their own worries about parenting while comparing notes. So, I chose to skip those group invitations.

Instead, I made an effort to connect with my baby. I dedicated time to bonding through walks, playtime, and feeding, allowing me to be truly present. While I still wanted to learn from other parents, I opted for online communities that aligned with my parenting style, allowing me to engage with topics that truly mattered to me. This shift not only made me a more confident parent but also led to more organic friendships with other moms later on.

2. I Let Go of Strict Schedules and Timelines

From the moment babies arrive, we’re bombarded with milestones — growth charts, feeding schedules, and sleep routines. Initially, these helped me feel organized, but I soon discovered that my baby had his own rhythm that defied all timelines. Rather than clinging to rigid schedules, I embraced my child’s unique developmental journey.

This meant continuing to breastfeed beyond what’s typical, allowing him to find his own sleep patterns, and prioritizing his needs over social engagements. While this approach may be unconventional, it has made me a happier and more fulfilled parent.

3. I Stopped Worrying About Screen Time

I used to think, “When I’m a parent, my child won’t watch any TV.” How naive that was! As my son became more energetic, I found it increasingly difficult to care for him without some screen time. He started watching TV just before he turned two, and I was flooded with guilt about whether this was a good choice.

While many parents understand the potential downsides of excessive screen time, I realized that I needed to incorporate screens as a helpful tool. I set some unwritten family “rules” for screen use, like limiting it to one hour per day and opting for age-appropriate shows. Co-viewing programs and engaging him in activities afterward helped ease the transition back to play and connection. By redefining my relationship with screens, I became a “screen-lite parent” and relieved myself of unnecessary guilt.

4. I Moved Beyond My Own Parenting Experience

We often inherit our parenting styles from our own upbringing, which can be a limiting factor. Growing up in the ‘80s, I learned to be “seen and not heard,” and “good” behavior was a must. While it would have been easier to replicate this authoritarian style, I felt a strong pull to adopt a different approach.

Embracing gentle parenting required me to consciously shift my mindset. Learning to respect my son’s emotions and behaviors, even when they were challenging, demanded a lot of self-reflection. It was sometimes overwhelming, especially when faced with feelings I was taught to suppress as a child. However, this mindfulness has empowered me to grow and become the parent I aspire to be.

Letting go of these four things has transformed me into a more present, confident, and authentic parent. The journey hasn’t always been easy, but it has been profoundly rewarding.

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In summary, the journey to becoming a better parent often requires relinquishing old habits and expectations. By focusing on building genuine connections with my child and redefining my approach to parenting, I have found greater peace and fulfillment in my role.