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When I’m out and about with my toddler twins, I often hear comments like “You’ve got your hands full!” or “Double trouble!” What those strangers don’t realize is that it took me over a year of fertility treatments, including IVF, to bring my two little miracles into the world. Motherhood is a journey I cherish deeply because it didn’t come easily to me.
Infertility has provided me with invaluable perspective, for which I am incredibly thankful. However, just because I am now a mom doesn’t mean that my struggle with infertility has vanished. With my twins now two and a half, the question of “Are you planning to have a third?” has started to increase. I typically respond with a smile or a chuckle, yet the truth is, the thought of going through the IVF process again terrifies me. This time, I know exactly what to expect.
Recently, my partner and I had our first appointment at a new fertility clinic to embark on the journey for baby number three. We met with our Reproductive Endocrinologist, had some blood drawn for initial tests, and left feeling a mix of emotions. I felt experienced, as if I could navigate this process with ease because I already have two healthy children. It seemed straightforward — just a frozen embryo transfer, right?
Fortunately, we have nine frozen embryos left from our initial IVF cycle. The next step involved transferring our embryos from our previous clinic to the new one. We signed the necessary consent forms, collected the embryos in a cryopreservation tank, and drove them to their new location, where they will remain until we are ready for another frozen embryo transfer.
As I sat in the passenger seat with our potential future child(ren) nestled between my legs, tears welled up in my eyes. I reflected on the fact that this is something that those who conceive naturally never have to consider. It became clear to me that navigating infertility doesn’t necessarily become easier the second time around; instead, you just grow stronger.
Despite having spent three years processing my diagnosis and the accompanying trauma, the pain still lingers. After delivering our embryos to the new clinic, I scrolled through Instagram and stumbled upon a pregnancy announcement from an acquaintance. This was her third pregnancy in four years, and while I felt genuine happiness for her, it also brought a wave of sadness. A “surprise” third pregnancy isn’t in the cards for us, and that realization caught me off guard.
I’ve always dreamed of having three children. I come from a family of three, and my partner does too. We both share a close bond with our siblings. While we are eager about the possibility of adding a third child to our family, we also approach this journey with caution. We know too much now. We understand that IVF doesn’t guarantee success. We are aware that one in four pregnancies ends in miscarriage. We know how all-encompassing fertility treatments can be, and we are acutely aware that we may face heartbreak again.
An additional concern is the uncertainty surrounding the genetic health of our remaining embryos. When we underwent our first IVF cycle, we opted not to test the embryos due to the costs involved, and even though we were only 28 at the time, there remains a chance that some of them may not be genetically normal, leading to failed transfers or miscarriages. We have debated whether to pursue genetic testing this time, but after discussing it with our doctor, it appears that the risks may outweigh the benefits in our situation. So now, we simply have to hope that luck is on our side.
I’m unsure when we’ll feel ready to attempt a transfer again. Right now, it still feels intimidating. However, I am grateful to have nine more opportunities to expand our family, and I feel truly blessed with my two healthy children at home. That’s the complexity of infertility: it teaches you that you can experience sadness, gratitude, and fear all at once. We can celebrate others while mourning for ourselves. We can deeply desire a third child and still be apprehensive about undergoing IVF again. These feelings can coexist. It simply reflects our humanity.
For many couples in the U.S., navigating the decision to expand a family involves numerous considerations. For us, having another baby isn’t just about intimacy leading to pregnancy. It’s a blend of grief and hope, anger and acceptance, fear and joy, happiness and disbelief. It’s a journey filled with negative pregnancy tests, boxes of medications, ultrasound visits, hormone injections, smiles, tears, heartbreak, and resilience.
I don’t know how our story will unfold, but I trust that whatever happens, we will be alright.
For more insights, check out this blog post on home insemination. If you’re exploring options, Make A Mom is an authority on the topic, and Resolve provides excellent resources for pregnancy and home insemination.
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Summary: The journey of infertility is complex and filled with emotions ranging from hope to fear. As a mother of twins, I am now contemplating undergoing IVF again to expand my family, but the memories of past struggles weigh heavily on my heart. Despite the challenges, I remain grateful for my children and hopeful for the future, aware that the path to parenthood is often not straightforward.
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