The Illusion of Perfect Adult Friendships We See on TV

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I often go weeks without catching up with one of my closest friends, Alex, who lives just down the street. Our attempts to coordinate time together often look like this:

Me: Hey, can you do lunch on Friday?  
Alex: I have a meeting an hour away, but I could do something later around 2.  
Me: Can't do that. I have to pick up my kids from their dad's and they have orthodontist appointments. Are you free this weekend? Maybe coffee on Saturday or Sunday?  
Alex: How about dinner on Saturday? My kids have lacrosse games all weekend.  
Me: Sorry, it's date night and we have reservations.  
Alex: Alright, let's try again next week. Things should slow down then.

And the cycle continues.

When the next week arrived, my schedule was packed, and I couldn’t fit anything in. I did, however, manage to drop off some of her favorite chocolate peanut butter bars on her doorstep while out grocery shopping, so there’s that.

Last Saturday, we both had a rare opportunity to attend a morning exercise class hosted by another friend. It felt like a little victory to have an hour where our families were asleep and we could just be ourselves. We worked out, then ended up crying and embracing in the parking lot, discussing the challenges of life.

It was far from glamorous. We weren’t seated at a chic brunch spot in stylish outfits like the characters on “Sex and the City.” But it was enough.

As we hurried off, we talked about finally meeting up for that lunch again. I’m confident we’ll make it happen before the year is out, but it will take some planning.

We simply don’t have time for shopping trips together. Our Friday evenings aren’t spent sharing oversized mugs of coffee on a cozy couch like a scene from “Friends.” While I adore shows like “Friends” and “Sex and the City,” and often binge-watch reruns, there are moments when I’ve felt my friendships were somehow lacking, especially at this stage in life.

But they aren’t lacking. They are real friendships, even if they don’t resemble the female bonds portrayed on television. The reality is that scheduling a phone call can be a challenge, and once you become a parent, unexpected events arise all the time. Sometimes those events leave you too drained after a tough day to meet up with friends, even if you’ve planned it for weeks.

The truth is, while shows like “Friends,” “The Golden Girls,” and “Sex and the City” bring joy, they don’t reflect reality—not even close. When you have children, a full-time job, and a need for sleep, there’s little time or energy left for friendships. They simply can’t be your top priority, and you can’t expect to see each other frequently.

As adults, we can get wrapped up in our own busy lives. You may genuinely want to see your friends and think about them often, but figuring out when you can meet is a whole other issue.

The friendships depicted on television mirror the fairy-tale romances we’ve been conditioned to believe in: that strong friendships will form effortlessly and remain easy and fun. However, real-life friendships evolve—they can fade, take a backseat, or require significant effort to maintain.

Making new friends or finding “your people” becomes a challenge in adulthood, and that’s just the way it is. So, the next time you find yourself searching for your Rachel or Miranda, remind yourself that genuine friendships don’t resemble those on screen. Enjoy the shows, but keep trying to carve out time to connect with your friends in ways that fit your real lives—it will happen, even if it’s just a quick ten-minute catch-up at the McDonald’s parking lot.

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Summary

Adult friendships often don’t reflect the idealized versions seen on TV shows like “Friends” or “Sex and the City.” Life’s responsibilities, such as work and parenting, can make regular meet-ups challenging. Real friendships require effort, flexibility, and understanding, often involving scheduling and rescheduling. While it can be frustrating, these relationships remain meaningful and fulfilling.