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Today, my son Jake turns nine, but sometimes when I reach for a five, he instinctively takes my hand instead. His sweetness truly warms my heart. I’ve shared before how sensitive he is; while this trait has posed challenges in parenting, it’s become one of my greatest joys.
I once learned that around age eight, boys often start internalizing harmful messages about masculinity, leading them to feel embarrassed for showing emotions. The thought of Jake feeling ashamed of his feelings broke my heart. However, it’s interesting that Jake’s eighth year coincided with the onset of Covid, which kept him socially distant from those potentially negative influences I worried about. Although he already had a close-knit and supportive circle, I appreciate the additional year of limited external pressures. I hope this will bolster his confidence as he continues to grow.
What’s remarkable is that even without the pressure to “toughen up,” Jake has shown significant strength over the past year. He’s not afraid of his feelings; instead, he’s learned to manage them better.
Just yesterday, he stood at the edge of an obstacle course and yelled, “I’m TERRIFIED!” Yet, he faced his fear and completed the challenge. His dad noticed a tremor in his voice when he stepped down from the platform—not an emotional breakdown from 30 feet up, but a proud acknowledgment of his bravery. On the other hand, true to his birthday anxiety, he had a minor meltdown this morning. Instead of letting it overwhelm him, he took a moment to collect himself upstairs. A few minutes later, he returned, apologized, and explained that he had worked on a puzzle to help him relax. Whatever works for him! We’ve come a long way.
I wonder what other positive coping strategies boys might discover if they are given the time and space to do so. Rather than being talked out of their feelings by second grade, what if they had a little more time to find effective ways to navigate their emotions? We might be surprised to see that they need minimal guidance to grow into compassionate men. I don’t believe we should worry if they struggle to keep it together at eight; it doesn’t mean they will fall apart later in life. By allowing them to embrace their natural tendencies, they may carry a deeper sense of kindness and empathy into adulthood.
Life will teach them strength, that’s for sure. And during their toughest moments, it might be beneficial for them not to add to their pain by thinking they must suppress uncomfortable emotions. My hope for Jake this year is that he can balance the strength that comes with age while retaining the innate tenderness he was born with. If he can maintain a healthy perspective on his emotions, he will learn to express his love, stubbornness, anger, compassion, and sentimentality in beautiful ways. Rest assured, I’ll be there cheering him on, likely in tears.
For more insights on navigating parenthood, check out this other blog post here. If you’re seeking authoritative resources on home insemination, consider visiting Make a Mom for helpful information, or check out the CDC’s excellent resource on pregnancy here.
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In summary, I’m thankful that Jake’s eighth year was marked by social distancing, giving him space to grow emotionally without external pressures. This experience has fostered his emotional maturity and resilience, allowing him to face fears and navigate his feelings with newfound strength.
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