In a typical grocery store setting, the familiar exclamations ring out. “Oh my goodness! She is just precious!” I don’t even need to look up from the cereal aisle to know exactly which of my three daughters has caught the attention of a passerby.
“Where does she get that vibrant auburn hair? And those captivating brown eyes…” the woman’s voice fades as she admires my daughter’s striking appearance. “Actually, red hair is a recessive trait,” I respond, attempting to remain courteous despite having repeated this explanation mere minutes earlier. I can predict that a similar conversation will unfold again before I leave the store. Meanwhile, I glance at my other two daughters, who share my husband’s and my caramel locks and lighter eyes. Yet, my middle child resembles a cartoon angel, exuding an almost surreal charm.
Since her birth, compliments about her looks have flowed freely—first from nurses in the hospital, and they have persisted ever since. It’s a phenomenon that occurs literally everywhere we go.
- “She’s just… I’ve never seen a baby so flawless!”
- “She could grace the cover of a magazine!”
- “She’s the most adorable of your children, and she knows it!”
While I appreciate the sentiments, it’s hard not to notice how the attention she receives alters perceptions. All three of my daughters have shared educators, yet my middle one seems to evade some consequences that her sisters face. People often make assumptions about her character based solely on her appearance. “What a little sweetheart, and so intelligent!” they exclaim, even as she engages in less-than-appropriate behavior like picking her nose during church services.
Her charm opens doors that remain closed for others, whether it’s being chosen for speaking roles in school performances or being approached by public relations representatives at events. This experience is new to me; I’ve always relied more on my personality than looks to connect with others. As the comedian Amy Poehler aptly noted, my value came from my charisma. In social situations, I would often position myself near the restrooms, waiting for my friends to attract attention, before swooping in to steer the conversation away from them.
Don’t get me wrong; being less conventionally attractive has its advantages. It motivated me to cultivate a rich personality, and I never faced the fear of unplanned teenage pregnancies. Plus, I’ve likely saved a small fortune on beauty pageant outfits over the years. However, it’s undeniable that life tends to favor the aesthetically pleasing. According to a 2013 study by Business Insider, attractive job candidates are 24% more likely to receive interview callbacks than their less attractive counterparts.
Yet, this attention has its downsides for my daughter. I’ve encountered individuals who jokingly proposed to buy her (though I’d surely reconsider on a bad day), and there have been instances where strangers asked to photograph her (the answer is always no). I even discovered people attempting to record her discreetly.
Navigating this landscape raises questions about my parenting approach. While I cherish the compliments, I aim to prevent her from developing an inflated ego—or worse, fostering insecurities in my other daughters. Should I downplay her beauty? “Wow, she’s adorable!” followed by a dismissive “Meh, I’ve seen better.” Or should I promote the unique qualities of my other daughters, perhaps by showcasing their healthy smiles like prized animals?
For now, I’ll continue to graciously accept the compliments, offer brief explanations about genetics to curious strangers, and maybe one day teach my daughters how to collaborate for free drinks—just as I learned to do.
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Summary
This article discusses the unique challenges and experiences of raising a child who draws significant attention for her beauty, while also navigating the feelings of her siblings. The author reflects on societal biases towards attractiveness and their implications on parenting, all while maintaining a sense of humor and warmth.
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