In March 2020, I withdrew from society with a barely noticeable baby bump. I had just shared my pregnancy news with a few colleagues and hadn’t even told all my friends yet. Fast forward over a year, and I’m stepping out into the world with an 11-month-old.
Motherhood is a whirlwind of new experiences, constant noise, and the isolation that often accompanies it. While this is likely true for all new mothers, those of us who became moms during the pandemic faced a unique kind of solitude. My pregnancy was largely unseen—few admired my growing belly, hardly anyone met my newborn, and almost no one witnessed my transformation into a mother. We missed out on the typical shared experiences and the camaraderie that often accompanies this significant life change.
“When I was pregnant, I almost longed for the moment when an unknown woman would come up and rub my pregnant belly in the grocery store,” shares Emma, a member of my new moms group. “But without those shared initiation experiences, I felt unsure about how to connect with this mom community.”
Despite this, many of my friends with older children have voiced their concerns about the judgment, unsolicited advice, and scrutiny that often comes with motherhood. They talked about the challenges of learning to be a mom while everyone else chimed in with their opinions. Before becoming pregnant, I tried to mentally brace myself for it.
What I found, however, was that I wasn’t judged for my parenting—there simply wasn’t anyone around to judge me. My journey into motherhood unfolded within a bubble. No one critiqued my public breastfeeding, and no strangers tried to engage with my baby. The advice I received was voluntary. Although the other moms in my group saw me and my baby through weekly Zoom calls and occasional socially-distanced meet-ups, there was no judgment—only support as we navigated those initial months together. I was largely unbound from external expectations, which, while lonely, allowed me to dictate my own terms.
Being cooped up also meant fewer decisions to make. I didn’t have to stress about plane travel with a baby. I didn’t need to scout playgroups or decide which educational activities to enroll her in. I was spared the anxiety of an endless stream of visitors, something that had previously overwhelmed me as an introvert.
Instead, I enjoyed precious time with my newborn, discovering together how to bond. There were no distractions from the challenges and joys of those early days. It was just me, my partner, and our daughter—spending hours lounging together, marveling at her first milestones. There was no rush to start the day; even when my husband returned to work, he was just a room away, able to provide a comforting hug at a moment’s notice. I could continue with breastfeeding and naps without the pressure of a hectic schedule. We watched her crawl, sit, and stand, all while relishing in our little world together.
However, as the pandemic wanes here in the U.S., that simplicity is coming to an end.
In some ways, I feel like a seasoned mom now—I’ve faced the sleepless nights, teething, and all the challenges of early motherhood. But I also realize that I’m anxious about parenting in public.
“There are so many little things to learn all at once,” says Lily, whose baby is a month older than mine. “I recently took my daughter to a restaurant for the first time and had to navigate changing her on the bathroom changing table. Without the pandemic, we would have gradually learned these things, but now it’s all happening at once.”
I’ve also felt shy about parenting around others. During a recent family ice cream outing, I realized that aside from family, few had seen me interact with my baby. For a moment, I wondered, “Do I look like a mom? Are people judging my parenting?”
“This feeling is like a late-onset imposter syndrome,” says Emma. “For so long, I’ve operated without anyone questioning my approach. I didn’t have anyone to share ideas with or read non-verbal cues from, and now that we’re re-entering society, I’m second-guessing myself. Am I doing this right?”
There’s a part of me that also mourns the end of this isolated bubble. It signifies that my daughter is growing up. We’ve experienced her every development up close, and now that a daycare we’ve been waitlisted for has an opening in September, I feel a sense of loss. The photos I took at her last doctor’s appointment showed a baby on the brink of becoming a toddler. As we prepare to rejoin the world, I know things will become more complex.
“There are downsides to the pandemic and quarantine,” Lily reflects, “but we’ve been incredibly fortunate to have had this quality time with our babies. Letting that go is going to be tough.”
This weekend, we’re taking our first family flight to visit relatives in Boston, followed by another trip to Buffalo. On the eve of her first birthday, we’ll embark on a plane to visit family in Ireland. Although I’m doing many things later than I had originally anticipated, the past year has brought both challenges and cherished moments. I’m grateful for the opportunity to have been fully present in her little world before stepping back into the larger one.
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In summary, becoming a parent during the pandemic has brought both joy and anxiety, as the experience of isolation provided a unique opportunity for bonding that now faces challenges with re-entry into the outside world. While navigating public parenting raises new concerns, the memories of our time together hold a special place in our hearts.
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