When you’re a teenager, it’s easy to believe that your parents will always be there. Sure, they may get a bit grayer and start using outdated slang, but the thought of losing them feels distant and improbable. I vividly recall the moment I first confronted the reality of my parents’ mortality—a stark conversation about their final wishes that I stumbled upon. While I can’t recall the specifics of what they decided, I often find myself wishing I had known. In 2019, my mom faced a life-threatening battle with cancer, and as the eldest of four siblings, I took on the responsibility of initiating the tough discussions that no one else wanted to have.
During such high-stress times, emotions run rampant. Everyone copes with crises differently, so it’s essential for all involved to show compassion towards each other and themselves. One way to mitigate the pain and confusion during these moments is to address critical topics well before a crisis arises. Trust me, I’ve been there. For about six months—what felt like six years—my mom’s health was uncertain. Thankfully, she is still with us today.
Due to the abruptness of her diagnosis, many challenging conversations unfolded not in the first few months, or even weeks, but almost immediately. Within days, we were discussing power of attorney and do-not-resuscitate orders. Although these discussions are challenging, here are a few vital topics to cover with your loved ones before tragedy strikes. Having these conversations in advance will allow you to focus on what truly matters: spending time together.
Powers of Attorney: Financial and Medical
Everything escalated quickly. In a matter of hours, my mom transitioned from a routine check-up to being diagnosed with Stage IV CNS Lymphoma, which meant cancerous cells had infiltrated her brain and spinal cord. By the end of the night, she was unable to communicate or even feed herself. While my family was determined to do everything possible to keep her alive, we were left wondering if she shared the same wishes. Most importantly, we wanted to ensure she wouldn’t suffer.
The weight of deciding who would make critical medical decisions fell on my dad, who became her Medical Power of Attorney. If he couldn’t fulfill that role, I was next in line. It was a heavy burden. The financial Power of Attorney felt less daunting, allowing me to manage their finances while my dad focused on my mom’s care. It’s important to understand that while both medical and financial powers of attorney are vital, they grant different types of authority.
Do Not Resuscitate Wishes and Palliative Care Options
If you thought that was tough, prepare yourself for an even heavier conversation. Just days after my mom’s diagnosis, once she regained the ability to speak, we had to ask her about her wishes regarding resuscitation. The reality was heartbreaking—any answer she gave reminded me that I would eventually lose her, whether it be today or years down the line.
During those six months, we lived in a constant state of uncertainty, with emergency response teams frequently called to her side. Trust me, you don’t want to be faced with making life-or-death decisions for someone you love in a moment of crisis. Initiating these conversations now can provide you with peace of mind, knowing that whatever direction things take, it was in line with their wishes.
These discussions are not limited to your parents or aging family members; they also pertain to your own decisions. Accidents happen, and as a wise friend once said, we all have an expiration date.
By broaching these topics before a crisis arises, you can alleviate potential heartache and anxiety. While it won’t change the circumstances you may face, it will allow you to concentrate on what truly matters—your loved ones.
For more insights on navigating conversations about family planning and insemination, check out this other blog post. Resources like Make a Mom can also provide valuable information on home insemination. Additionally, if you’re considering fertility treatment, March of Dimes is an excellent resource.
Summary
It’s crucial to have essential conversations with your parents before a crisis arises. Discussing topics such as powers of attorney and end-of-life wishes can provide peace of mind and clarity during difficult times. Doing so will free you to focus on what truly matters—your loved ones.
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