As I stand in the kitchen, I call out to my son, “Come back here!” The scene around me is chaotic: an open bag of bagels, a glob of cream cheese sitting out, and crumbs scattered from the toaster, which has been pulled away from the wall.
“What?” my 15-year-old responds, happily bouncing back in with his big brown eyes full of innocence.
I simply gaze at him, and he looks back, clearly puzzled.
“Just … take a look around,” I instruct him, keeping my gaze steady. “What do you think I want you to notice?”
His eyes scan the room, and a grimace crosses his face. “Oh. Oops. Sorry!” He quickly tidies up.
This exchange happens frequently when my son prepares his own meals or moves things around. Instead of giving him explicit instructions, I invite him to recognize the mess and take responsibility for it himself. Thankfully, he’s starting to need my prompts less often.
Initially, I provided detailed chore lists when my kids began helping around the house, breaking down tasks like cleaning the bathroom into specific steps. Now, I simply say, “Clean the bathroom.”
My son has never been one to naturally organize or notice when something looks messy. He forgets to put things away, be it cooking tools or his other belongings. With ADHD, his thought process often doesn’t prioritize tidiness.
And that’s perfectly okay. I don’t expect perfection from my children. My son excels in various areas, and organization may not be one of them. However, I refuse to let him grow up to become a partner who is oblivious to household responsibilities. I won’t raise a man who claims he can’t “see” the mess or insists he needs to be told what to do.
Many parents understand the necessity of teaching kids basic household skills, but often overlook the equally important aspect of invisible labor—recognizing what needs to be done without being told. This is the everyday emotional labor that many women in heterosexual relationships often bear. Studies consistently show that even in dual-income households, women frequently assume the role of household managers, a responsibility they neither sought nor desire.
Sadly, some people advise, “Just ask him for help!” But this perspective perpetuates the cycle of invisible labor and fails to address the underlying issue.
Now, imagine if boys were trained from a young age to assess a room and identify what needs to be tackled. What if we taught them that when the trash is full, it should be taken out? That when the washer beeps, it’s time to move the clothes? And that seeing an empty dishwasher means it’s their job to empty it—no requests needed?
This is my goal for my children, particularly my son. I can’t stand the thought of him growing up to frustrate his future partner with the same burdens many women endure with inattentive partners.
While chore lists are useful for setting expectations, we also need to teach our kids to look around and consider how they can contribute positively to their environment. We should actively encourage them to ask, “What needs to be done here?”
This skill doesn’t come naturally to everyone, but it shouldn’t be assumed that boys are incapable of learning it. Too often, we either neglect to demand this skill or give up when they struggle to grasp it.
For my son, I’ve been encouraging him to look around before leaving a room. Is it in better condition than when he entered? If not, he should take action. The goal is to leave a space at least as tidy as he found it.
Isn’t that an invaluable lesson to impart to our children?
For more insights on parenting and household management, check out this blog post that dives deeper into these concepts. Also, if you’re exploring fertility options, Make a Mom offers expert advice on supplements that may enhance fertility. Additionally, for comprehensive information on home insemination, Wikipedia serves as an excellent resource.
Search Queries:
- Invisible household labor and parenting
- Teaching kids about chores
- Emotional labor in relationships
- Organizational skills for children
- Managing household responsibilities
Summary: Teaching children about invisible labor in the household is essential for fostering responsibility and awareness. By encouraging them to recognize what needs to be done without being prompted, we can help them develop valuable life skills that promote equality and partnership in future relationships.
Leave a Reply