In just over a month, my partner, Alex, and I will mark a decade of our journey together. Like many couples, we’ve faced our share of challenges, including seeking couples therapy—not once, but twice. I often jest that if anything happened to Alex, I wouldn’t remarry; the work that goes into a relationship can be overwhelming. From interpreting body language to navigating ever-changing preferences and making significant life decisions, it’s no small feat. Yet, my love for Alex runs deep, and thankfully, we generally enjoy each other’s company.
Back when we started dating in 2011, we were swept up in the excitement of a new romance—the nerves, the cuddles, the dates, and the shared bottles of wine over dinner. We were stepping into our own little world as a same-sex couple during a time when words like “inclusivity” and “gay marriage” were gaining traction, albeit slowly. The LGBTQIA+ community was small but mighty, advocating for our rights and striving to create a more equitable world.
Practicing inclusivity goes beyond just legislative changes; it requires ongoing commitment. It encompasses language, normalization, and active recognition of families like mine, which consists of Alex and me as parents, deserving of equal rights and support from our government. That’s why it’s significant that Massachusetts has publicly acknowledged an LGBTQIA+ couple, like Jamie and their partner, as parents on their government website.
This recognition is a celebration, but it should not be confined to Massachusetts alone. Other states need to follow suit because our families exist everywhere, every day of the year.
Long before Alex and I met in person, I made it clear that I desired children. In fact, our relationship began while I was in the process of adopting a child. By our third email, Alex knew I envisioned expanding our family and that I wanted to carry a child—this was non-negotiable. If we were to be together, it meant committing to having more kids. We tied the knot in 2011, and by 2014, we were ready to try for another baby. Thanks to in-vitro fertilization (IVF), we were thrilled to learn we would be welcoming twins! Alex was over the moon during our first ultrasound when the doctor confirmed we were expecting two little ones.
Fast forward to seven months later—suddenly, we were deep in logistics: birthing plans, child care for our older child while we were at the hospital, choosing diapers and strollers, and figuring out what clothes to buy. But as a same-sex couple, we also had unique concerns that heterosexual couples often take for granted, like who would be listed on the birth certificate or who would qualify for family leave.
The Family and Medical Leave Act (FMLA), enacted in 1993, guarantees job security for all families, regardless of sexual orientation or family structure. It provides eligible families with up to 12 weeks of unpaid leave. In Massachusetts, workers can take up to 26 weeks of paid leave—an incredible benefit for new parents. While states have the discretion to determine the specifics of family leave, the inclusion of same-sex couples should never be in question.
The struggle for equal rights for same-sex couples has been long and arduous. In 2004, San Francisco became the first city to issue marriage licenses to same-sex couples, defying state law. The landscape shifted gradually, with President Obama declaring the Defense of Marriage Act unconstitutional in 2011, and by 2015, same-sex marriage was recognized across all 50 states. Yet, it wasn’t until 2013 that FMLA was amended to be inclusive of same-sex families.
Paid family leave offers essential peace of mind for families, allowing parents to be present for their children, whether biological or adopted. Imagine being denied entry to the delivery room because of your sexual orientation. That fear crossed our minds as I prepared for my C-section, with Alex pacing nervously, overwhelmed by what-ifs. Unlike heterosexual couples, we had to worry about being recognized as parents, and the anxiety of being seen as a couple due to societal norms weighed heavily on us.
When a couple from the LGBTQIA+ community is represented positively on a government website, like Jamie and their spouse, it’s a small but significant win for all of us. Using inclusive language moves us closer to acceptance in all areas of life. We must continue pushing for equality and inclusivity in both words and actions.
Thank you, Massachusetts! And to the other 49 states—let’s get moving! Our families matter, and so does the language that reflects them.
For more insights into home insemination, check out our other blog post here. Also, if you’re looking for fertility resources, Make a Mom is an authority on the topic. For those interested in the IVF process, this resource is an excellent guide.
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Summary:
The article emphasizes the importance of inclusivity for same-sex families, showcasing how Massachusetts has set a standard by recognizing LGBTQIA+ couples on government platforms. It recounts the personal journey of a same-sex couple navigating parenthood and the need for equitable rights across all states. The author advocates for continued progress in language and policy to ensure that all families are recognized and supported.
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