During a weekend Zoom call with my girlfriends, we found ourselves discussing the difficulties of juggling family life with everything else. “Ladies, how about a weekend getaway? Just us—no husbands, no kids!” I suggested.
Immediately, everyone enthusiastically agreed. After a challenging year spent at home, we needed this escape. With summer approaching and vaccinations completed, it felt like the perfect time for a mini-vacation. We envisioned nights filled with wine, laughter, and karaoke, and the idea of uninterrupted sleep without a toddler waking us at dawn was incredibly appealing. Thus, we set out to plan a much-needed retreat for four moms seeking relaxation and self-care.
A few weeks later, we had another Zoom meeting with a mutual friend, Lily, who had missed our previous call. She had welcomed her first child earlier in the year and was planning a month-long visit with her parents to get some help. When we shared our plans for the getaway, Lily was eager to join. However, she mentioned that she wanted to bring her baby along.
This created an uncomfortable situation. How do you tell a first-time mom that she can’t bring her newborn? I took a deep breath and explained to Lily that our trip was intended to be a child-free escape. While we all adore our kids, we needed this time to unwind and return home rejuvenated. I expressed my apologies but stressed that having a baby would go against the purpose of our getaway.
Lily’s disappointment was palpable. “I thought you all would be excited to meet my baby…” she said, clearly hurt. We reassured her that we were eager to meet her little one, but we really wanted the chance to connect without the distractions of baby care. I reminded her that this trip was about taking a break from parenting—something every mom deserves.
After a week, Lily proposed a new plan: she would stay at a different hotel but join us during the day with her baby. I regrettably had to decline this arrangement again, reiterating that this was meant to be a kids-free weekend. Our goal was to focus on ourselves without worrying about a baby’s schedule.
Eventually, Lily came to understand our perspective and decided to leave her baby with her parents for the trip. On the day of our getaway, the first group of us arrived, and Lily joined us the next morning. We had a fantastic time enjoying lunch, hiking, and swimming.
On our walk back to our suite, I asked, “How would we have had so much fun with a six-month-old in tow?” Lily mentioned seeing another mom at the pool with her baby, highlighting her lingering guilt. I pointed out that the other mom was there with her husband and other child, making it clear that it was a family trip. It’s important to remember that to take care of others, you must first take care of yourself!
That evening, we enjoyed a leisurely four-hour dinner filled with conversation and laughter, followed by karaoke and games back at our suite. If a baby had been present, we surely would have had to cut our restaurant visit short and alter our activities, which would have detracted from our experience.
By the end of the weekend, Lily stayed with us and left the following morning, and we all felt refreshed and ready to dive back into our family lives. Navigating the situation with Lily taught me the importance of setting boundaries. It can be uncomfortable, but maintaining those limits allowed us to relax and enjoy our time together.
So, if you’re contemplating a mom’s trip, go for it! Don’t feel guilty about prioritizing your needs and those of your friends to be the best moms you can be.
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