Hi, I’m Jamie, and I have a chronic, often frustrating habit of being late. Whether it’s for meetings, phone calls, or even casual get-togethers with friends, I find myself running behind. I’m also late with birthday wishes and replying to emails. Picking up my kids from practice? Yep, late again. Even dinner often sits in the oven a little too long because I’ve lost track of time.
I’ve tried every remedy imaginable—phone reminders, alarms, you name it. Yet, despite my good intentions, I seem to always be tardy.
Growing up, I was taught the importance of being prompt. My father, a dedicated volunteer coach, often emphasized the mantra: “If you’re five minutes early, you’re on time; if you’re on time, you’re late.” Well, I’m not just “on-time” late; I’m really late, and I know it’s frustrating for my family—and for me. Typically, I’m only about 5-10 minutes late, but it still creates stress and embarrassment. It feels like everyone else has their lives perfectly scheduled except me.
There’s a widespread belief that chronically late individuals are simply lazy or selfish. However, research suggests otherwise. According to an article from the BBC, experts in psychology reveal that our brains may function differently. Many people who are frequently late possess traits like optimism, which can skew their perception of how much time they have.
Philippa Perry noted in the Guardian that “late people often have a sunny outlook.” They might underestimate how long tasks will take or how long it will take to travel from one place to another. Relief, right?
Struggles with transitions also contribute to tardiness. For me, this is a major factor. When I’m deeply engrossed in one task, I find it incredibly challenging to switch to another. So, I often procrastinate until the last possible moment, leading to that familiar panic.
Additionally, some individuals may have difficulty recognizing the passage of time. A study by Jeff Conte at San Diego State University revealed that Type A personalities estimate a minute has passed after about 58 seconds, while Type B personalities, who tend to be more laid-back, estimate it at around 77 seconds. When I tried this experiment, I clocked in at a whopping 110 seconds because I got sidetracked by something else!
For some, chronic lateness can also be linked to mental health issues, such as anxiety or depression. Anxiety can cause individuals to avoid certain situations, leading to delays. Harriet Mellotte, a cognitive behavioral therapist and clinical psychologist in training, explained that those with low self-esteem may be overly critical of themselves, resulting in a slower pace. Similarly, low energy—a symptom of depression—can make it difficult to find the motivation to be on time.
In my case, my chronic lateness stems from a mix of all these factors. I tend to be overly optimistic about how long things will take, whether it’s a commute, joining a Zoom call, or finishing a task. I convince myself that a drive across town will only take 12 minutes, despite it consistently taking longer. When reality sets in, I’m often shocked — genuinely surprised! My struggles with transitions and social anxiety also lead to me being late for meetings and gatherings.
Despite understanding these reasons, my tardiness can still be frustrating for those waiting on me. While I can hope for understanding, it only goes so far. Experts recommend taking proactive steps to improve punctuality—setting alarms, adjusting time estimates, and steering clear of multitasking. Perhaps the best advice is what my dad instilled in me: aim to be early, which might help me arrive on time—or at least not quite as late.
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Summary
Many individuals, like me, struggle with chronic lateness for various reasons, including optimistic time estimations, difficulty transitioning between tasks, and mental health challenges. While we often wish we could be more punctual, understanding the underlying factors can help foster patience among those who wait for us. Proactive strategies, like adjusting our time expectations, may lead to improvements, enabling us to be on time—or at least closer to it.
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