Negative body talk has been part of my life for as long as I can remember, even before I got my braces off. I once believed that becoming a mother would magically help me shed this detrimental habit, but reality proved otherwise. For years, I often found myself standing in front of the mirror expressing sentiments like:
- I feel so heavy today.
- Does this outfit make me look large?
- I can’t believe I just devoured that much cake. I’m disgusting.
- Is my stomach protruding?
- Look at this cellulite—it’s terrible!
My friends would engage in similar conversations, competing to see who could express the most disdain for their bodies. One friend even mentioned how she despised her knees. We treated negative body talk like a competitive sport, perhaps because we were all raised with the same unwritten rules of womanhood:
- When receiving a compliment, never simply say “thank you.” Instead, you must downplay it with a negative remark about yourself. For example, if someone admires your outfit, you might say, “Oh, I love this shirt; it hides my backside.”
- The appropriate response to a friend lamenting about her appearance is to immediately shift the focus to how much worse your own situation is.
My husband struggled to endure these conversations. Sometimes, he would reassure me, calling me beautiful. Other times, he would remain silent, and occasionally he would challenge me, asking, “You’re not planning to talk like this in front of our child, are you?” My immediate reply was always, “Of course not!”
Then, our daughter was born, and I realized that stopping negative body talk was far more challenging than I had anticipated. Despite my desire for her to cultivate a healthy body image, I found it difficult to change my ways.
I made excuses: She’s too young to grasp what I’m saying. Even if she does, she can’t talk yet, so I have some time before I really need to change. I’ll quit soon. After all, I always tell her how much I love her little body—her chubby tummy is adorable, and her pudgy thighs are delightful. She’ll be just fine; she’s not really noticing me.
But that was a misconception. The truth is, children are always watching.
When my daughter was just a few weeks old, I would lay her on the bathroom floor while I styled my hair and applied makeup. I often noticed her eyes following my every move. By eight months, she was imitating me in ways I hadn’t expected, like blowing her nose with a handkerchief. At 12 months, she would rummage through my bag for my lip gloss, trying to apply it herself, even though she lacked the dexterity to manage the cap.
When she turned 15 months, she began dragging around the broom and dustpan, clearly observing my cleaning habits. Now at 18 months, she tries on my shoes and clothes, and even mimics my table-cleaning techniques with her bib. She walks around saying “Okay…”—a phrase I didn’t realize I had made a habit of using until now.
It dawned on me that my daughter was paying attention to me, and I was still making negative comments about my body, albeit less frequently than before. To be honest, my reduced frequency of these remarks wasn’t due to an increase in self-acceptance; it was simply because I currently weigh less than I ever have as an adult. However, I still find myself complaining about the changes my body has undergone since becoming a mother.
I want to embrace the beauty of my body every single day—regardless of any bloating, sagging, or fine lines. More importantly, I yearn for my daughter to see that it’s perfectly normal for women to appreciate their beauty.
I make a conscious effort to limit negative body talk when she is around. But just as animals can sense fear, I believe young children are sensitive to feelings of shame. I had hoped that becoming a mother would make body acceptance easier, but I now realize that this journey is ongoing.
I understand that body image is a persistent issue for many, and the solution isn’t to hide from it. Instead, it’s essential to confront it head-on. For me, this means avoiding negative talk in my daughter’s presence, allowing her to explore my body with love and curiosity, and wearing a bikini at the pool, even if it pushes my comfort zone. Motherhood has taught me that navigating challenges requires adaptability, as nothing is as straightforward as it seems.
Conclusion
Embracing a positive body image is a process, especially as a mother. By being mindful of our language and encouraging healthy discussions about body image, we can foster a more supportive environment for our children. For anyone considering their fertility options, resources such as Make a Mom and WebMD offer invaluable insights.
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