About a year into my recovery journey, I found myself in a body that hovered just around plus size. In some brands, I could still fit into a size 16, while most others had me in an 18. I could wear large or extra-large sizes in many stores.
Shopping for clothes was no longer the straightforward experience it once was. I had to sift through racks to find something appealing in my size, trying on everything, whether I felt like it or not, to see how it fit my new shape. While I could still roam into almost any store and find something to wear, it was a far cry from my previous experiences.
Adjusting to life in a larger body was a challenge I had to face once again. I’d dealt with being in a similar size during high school, where I experienced the emotional toll of being larger than most. My desire to be thin stemmed from wanting to escape that trauma. However, I realized that the cost of conforming to societal standards of a smaller body was too steep. I had to accept my plus-sized body and learn how to navigate life in it.
But where to begin? My therapist urged me to seek acceptance from within, yet the voices of my eating disorder remained overpowering. Whenever I looked inward, all I heard were cruel messages urging me to despise my body.
In search of guidance, I sought out external mentors—people in recovery who could help me embrace my new body. I tuned into recovery podcasts like Recovery Warriors and Food Psych, and explored the works of their guests, including books like “Life Without ED.” Listening to these women share their recovery stories was transformative; they helped me realize that recovery was possible, and that I didn’t have to live with my eating disorders forever. However, I noticed a gap in their experiences.
These women typically had thin or “normal” bodies, having recovered into socially acceptable silhouettes, while I hadn’t. They didn’t discuss the additional discrimination and bullying that often accompany living in a fat body because it was not their reality.
Fast forward five years, and many of these women have made significant strides in amplifying the voices of individuals in larger bodies and advocating for fat liberation.
I knew I needed to connect with people whose experiences mirrored my own. This led me online, where I discovered the Body Positivity movement. I found women who looked like me, posting nude photos confidently and rocking crop tops and bikinis, radiating joy in their bodies.
I immersed myself in this community, following body-positive influencers on social media, reading their blogs, and listening to their podcasts. For the first time, I felt like I had found my tribe—a supportive space that understood my journey.
As I delved deeper, I stumbled upon the fat-positive community. Here were individuals who identified as truly fat, not just plus-sized, and who faced different challenges than those addressed in the body positivity movement. They spoke about the harsh realities of not fitting into standard airplane seats or restaurant booths, systemic discrimination in healthcare, and the economic disparities faced by fat individuals.
Repeatedly, they emphasized that body positivity would not change the systemic issues encountered by fat people. They critiqued those in smaller fat bodies, like myself, for co-opting the body positivity narrative and diluting its meaning. They argued that the movement had become overly focused on self-love and fashion, neglecting the deeper issues at hand.
Initially, I felt defensive. They were addressing struggles I related to, yet my experiences seemed dismissed. I grappled with the need for body love and the desire for fashionable clothing that fit. Wasn’t that valid?
Looking back, I realize that these activists weren’t belittling my struggles; they were highlighting the even greater challenges faced by those further from societal norms. At the time, I couldn’t grasp that message and chose to ignore voices that made me feel like I didn’t belong.
Honestly, I feared their fatness. I worried it was a fate that awaited me (spoiler alert: my body did continue to grow, and now I have an undeniably fat body that attracts unwanted attention). I had held the belief that being fat was acceptable as long as it didn’t exceed a certain threshold. This mindset was rooted in fatphobia, which I understand now; all bodies deserve respect and equal treatment, regardless of size.
I’ve learned so much from the fat-positive community and have come to appreciate the limitations of the body positivity movement. While individual body image work is essential, it differs significantly from the fight against the systemic discrimination that fat individuals face daily. Radical self-love is crucial, but it cannot solve the structural issues that persist. Inclusive fashion may be important, but it often excludes the most marginalized bodies and those with financial constraints.
As I embraced my identity as a fat person, I found more alignment with fat positivity than body positivity. However, I held onto the latter because it introduced me to the concept of self-love and body politics; it was where my journey began.
Ultimately, body positivity isn’t for me as a person living in a fat body. It doesn’t address the critical issues I face. While it may benefit many, it does little to advance justice for those with larger bodies.
I owe my understanding to activists like Jenna Rivera, Marissa Blake, and Kyle Williams, who have shaped my perspective and taught me invaluable lessons. I’m committed to sharing my journey and continuing to learn, as my public advocacy has only just begun.
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Summary
In this reflection on body positivity and its relevance to her journey, Ava Mitchell shares her experiences with body acceptance and the challenges of living in a plus-sized body. Initially drawn to the body positivity movement, she later discovered the fat-positive community, which addressed deeper systemic issues that the former often overlooked. While she acknowledges the importance of self-love and personal body image work, she emphasizes that these do not resolve the societal discrimination faced by fat individuals. Through her journey, Ava has learned that true body justice requires understanding and advocating for the experiences of all bodies, particularly those that are marginalized.
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