When my eldest daughter was a toddler, she had a flair for accessorizing. She’d wear goggles as if they were hairbands, layer Mardi Gras beads around her neck, and sport old sweatbands on her wrists. As she grew, she embraced tutus over tights, capes made from scarves, and bandanas around her head, channeling her inner pirate.
Then came her obsession with animal prints. She’d mix leopard, tiger, and cheetah patterns, creating a playful yet chaotic look. She was like a safari mullet: cheetah on top and tiger below. With her bandana, she resembled a mini Axl Rose, dragging around bags of treasured items, ready to produce anything from a plastic tea cup to a half deck of cards on command.
People admired her bold style, and so did I. I hoped she would always stay true to herself, wearing whatever made her feel confident, even if it was a little eccentric. While she’s dialed back on the quirkiness now, I’m thrilled that my daughter still doesn’t care about fashion trends.
Fast forward, and she’s now in 5th grade, taller than some of her friends’ parents, and navigating the ups and downs of puberty with surprising ease. Despite the changes in her body and mood, at her core, she remains that little girl who wore riding boots with pajamas and butterfly wings. She dresses for herself and remains unfazed by what others think.
My ex and I have never been ones to do back-to-school shopping extravagantly. We ensure they have fitting sneakers and a functional backpack, but that’s about it. Most of their clothes are secondhand, and they genuinely enjoy the thrill of finding treasures at yard sales and thrift stores. We’ve never put emphasis on special outfits for the first day of school; we just ask they wear something clean.
This year, as my daughter approaches middle school, I noticed her friends are investing more thought into their outfits and hairstyles. I found myself curious if she would put any effort into her look for school. The stained t-shirt from our local dentist and the almost-too-small shorts with a tiny hole she wore made it clear she hadn’t given it a second thought. She looked ready for yard work rather than school.
“Is that what you’re wearing?” I asked, half-expecting a change.
“Yes. I just put it on,” she replied, glancing down.
“Are you sure about that shirt? Those shorts might be ready for retirement.”
“Why? I like this shirt. My shorts are fine.”
I paused—she was right. Her outfit was just fine. I realized I was projecting my own insecurities onto her, stemming from my youth when I was self-conscious about my clothes and appearance. I used to hide any signs of my financial struggles, fearing judgment from peers.
Now, I was filled with pride as I realized I had raised a child who doesn’t think that way. While she enjoys the privileges I didn’t have, she remains genuinely unpretentious. She doesn’t judge her clothing or anyone else’s; she understands that fashion is merely an expression of personality, not a marker of worth. I needed to step back and let her be herself.
“You’re right,” I conceded. “But, you’re aware there’s a little stain on your shirt, right? Is that okay?” My concern was rooted in my past experiences, hoping to shield her from potential teasing.
“Meh. I don’t care.”
“Alright then. Just brush your hair,” I suggested.
She looked at me, annoyed. “I did!”
Upon closer inspection, her hair did look less messy than it had that morning. I couldn’t help but smile at my daughter, who seems to be growing up too fast. Even as she clings to her blanket at night, she takes up more space and appears wiser with each passing day. She’s learned to embrace what has taken me years to accept.
My big girl, who still adores little trinkets and has a strong sense of independence, embodies the mantra “this works for me.” She feels no need to conform to someone else’s standards of beauty or fashion. I need to regularly celebrate this attitude.
“What are you smiling about?” she asked, intrigued.
“You,” I replied. “You look fantastic and ready for 5th grade. I’m so proud of you.”
My daughter is comfortable in her own skin and practical about her clothing choices. She doesn’t chase the latest trends or worry about fitting in; instead, she listens to her own confident voice. I need to quiet my fears and support her just as I did when she wore mismatched prints. Whether it’s mismatched tropical patterns or two different camouflage styles, she confidently claims they belong together because they share a “theme.”
Keep being you, kid. Your outfits shine because they make you feel good.
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Summary
This article celebrates a mother’s appreciation for her tween daughter’s indifference to fashion trends. The mother reflects on her own insecurities growing up and recognizes her daughter’s confidence in her personal style. She realizes the importance of supporting her child’s self-expression without imposing her fears.
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