The “terrible twos” came as a complete surprise to me. My first child bypassed this phase, only giving me a taste of it with a brief “three-nager” attitude. But when my son turned two, everything transformed. My once-timid baby was now a whirlwind of climbing, running, jumping, and yes, saying NO to just about anything. Suddenly, I found myself wrestling with a miniature alligator during diaper changes and negotiating everything with a spirited toddler.
It became clear that the much-feared terrible twos had arrived with a vengeance.
In my frantic search for answers, I typed things like, “Is a two-nager a real thing?” and “Why does my two-year-old seem happy one moment and furious the next?” I researched ways to calm my child, debated whether I should just give in, and ultimately cried out for help. If you could see my Google search history from this period, you’d need a few hours to sift through it all. But after all this, I discovered one essential truth: I needed to stop apologizing for my son’s energetic outbursts and tantrums, and here’s why.
It turns out that the high energy, defiance, and intensity of those tantrums are completely normal for children at this age. As parents, we often question ourselves and wonder why our little ones aren’t listening, but it’s crucial to understand that their behavior is not a reflection of our parenting.
During this developmental stage, toddlers are learning and growing, and it takes time for them to develop the listening skills we expect. Armed with this knowledge and some strategies to help my child manage his emotions, I grew more confident in handling those moments when he would screech in the grocery store or throw a fit in the aisles of Target. Even though I sometimes felt embarrassed and on the verge of tears, I realized my son was just being a typical two-year-old.
As parents, we often apologize for our kids’ behavior and tend to blame ourselves for any missteps. I know I did. It’s all too easy to feel judged or to think we’re failing as moms. But in reality, toddlers are simply being themselves, navigating their own developmental milestones, and anyone who has raised a two-year-old can relate.
I’m not excusing bad behavior, but I recognize that a two-year-old isn’t trying to ruin my day or upset me by not following directions. These early years are when children learn how to react to life’s challenges. My son is still a little one who lacks the emotional control that comes with maturity. His reactions to intense feelings can sometimes be overwhelming for both of us.
It frustrates me to read comments on parenting forums that suggest I’ve somehow failed as a mother because my toddler acts out. Society often expects infants and toddlers to have perfect emotional regulation—if parenting were that simple, we wouldn’t all find it so challenging.
Next time you see a parent grappling with a two-year-old in the throes of a tantrum or shouting, resist the urge to judge. Instead, offer a smile or a supportive comment like, “You’re doing a fantastic job.” Because the truth is, a child’s behavior says nothing about their parent’s abilities.
Let’s stop apologizing for our children’s age-appropriate behavior. We can’t expect toddlers to handle their emotions perfectly when many adults struggle with this too. The pressure on children and parents alike only complicates an already tough situation. Let’s support one another through these challenges rather than issuing apologies.
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Summary:
Embracing the challenges of parenting a two-year-old can be daunting. It’s essential to remember that tantrums and high energy are completely normal for this age. Rather than apologizing for our children’s behavior, we should support one another and recognize that they’re simply learning to navigate their emotions.
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