It’s now the end of the third week of school for my kids, and I feel utterly drained and overwhelmed. Don’t get me wrong: my children are thriving. After being away from school since March 2020, they’re overjoyed to return. They don’t mind wearing masks all day, they’re excited to be around peers instead of just family, and surprisingly, they haven’t complained much about their schoolwork (at least not yet!).
While they seem to be thriving, I’m struggling. Parenting during a pandemic is inherently stressful, and I’ve dealt with anxiety for as long as I can remember. I have a panic disorder, and my main triggers are illness and an intense fear of something terrible happening to my loved ones.
So, to put it bluntly, I’m not okay. I’ve been experiencing genuine panic attacks several times a week.
My kids’ schools are taking all the right precautions to prevent COVID, and that should provide some comfort. There’s a mask mandate in effect, their ventilation systems have been upgraded, windows are kept open in classrooms, and desks are spaced out appropriately. The schools managed to stay open last year with minimal transmission reported. At least that’s what I’ve heard.
However, there are countless ways things could go wrong—and it’s not just my anxiety speaking. The delta variant spreads more easily than the virus circulating last school year, and while the district’s measures are commendable in theory, they are not infallible.
Every day brings a new source of anxiety. Just this past Monday, I received a call from the school psychologist informing me that my unvaccinated fourth grader was frequently visiting the nurse’s office. I know he tends to do this when he feels overwhelmed or wants to avoid schoolwork. The psychologist wanted to discuss strategies to help him cope better, but he also mentioned that the nurse’s office isn’t the safest place for my son during the pandemic.
“Today, there were two kids in there with fevers while your son was waiting to see the nurse about his stomach ache,” the school psychologist shared.
Cue the panic.
Instantly, my mind jumped to the worst-case scenario: “I guess he caught COVID.” That’s just how my brain works. I began to spiral, sweating, heart racing, and making multiple trips to the restroom.
Eventually, I managed to pull myself together and contacted the school for more details. The school nurse informed me that only one child with a fever was in the office when my son was there, and that child had already been sent home with a negative COVID test. Later that day, my son mentioned he had only been in the nurse’s office for about 30 seconds before being asked to leave due to overcrowding.
Crisis averted, I thought. But then, later that day, my older son came home and told me that a classmate had been coughing for five straight minutes. Naturally, my anxiety flared up again. It’s been five days since then, and while I haven’t heard of anyone testing positive in his school, the worry lingers.
Not every day presents two major scares like that Monday, but it feels like there’s always something. Since school began, I’ve received multiple notifications of students and teachers testing positive for COVID at their schools. My kids have noticed teachers and classmates taking off masks or wearing them incorrectly. Every time I drop my son off on the bus, there’s at least one child with their mask below their nose.
And let’s not forget about the random sneezes and coughs from my own kids! How can I possibly relax?
I recognize that I need to get a grip. These triggers will persist throughout the school year—at least until the pandemic is contained or my youngest is eligible for vaccination, whichever comes first.
I know how to manage my anxiety. I have a therapist, breathing techniques that I’ve honed over the years, positive self-talk, and supportive friends to vent to. I understand that sending my kids to school is the right decision at this moment. My husband and I are vaccinated, as is our teenager. Logically, I know that the safety measures in place at the schools are largely effective and that it’s unlikely (though not impossible) for my children to contract COVID.
Yet, despite knowing that keeping them at home in a safe bubble isn’t what’s best for them, I can’t help but feel conflicted. Eighteen months of isolation was bearable, but it’s clear they need social interaction. Their mental health was suffering.
Now it seems the roles have reversed. My children’s mental health is improving, but mine is deteriorating.
I hope that in time, I’ll acclimate to this new norm. Perhaps I’ll learn to remain calm when I see a mask slipping on the school bus. Maybe I’ll come to accept that no matter what happens, my family will likely be okay.
But for now, this is incredibly tough. I’m not cut out for navigating school during a pandemic. Honestly, I don’t know how much more I can handle. I just wish for this all to be over soon.
For more insights on coping during these challenging times, check out this blog post on home insemination, or learn more about effective strategies at Progyny’s blog. If you’re looking for reliable resources on pregnancy, Make A Mom offers an authoritative take on the topic.
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Summary:
As my kids return to in-person school after prolonged isolation, they are thriving, yet I am overwhelmed with anxiety. Despite the safety measures in place, concerns about COVID persist, triggering panic attacks. While I know sending them back is beneficial for their mental health, my own struggles with anxiety make this transition challenging. I hope to find a way to manage my fears as we navigate this new reality.
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