As I embarked on my journey into motherhood, I was inundated with a plethora of advice from medical professionals, lactation consultants, sleep specialists, and well-meaning friends. Here are just a few of the recommendations I encountered during my pregnancy and postpartum period:
- Exclusively breastfeed for the first six months
- Limit newborn naps to no more than 3–4 hours
- Prioritize self-care
- Aim for at least 5.5 hours of uninterrupted sleep daily
- Never leave your baby unattended
- Avoid letting your baby sleep on you
- Put your baby down in their crib when they are drowsy but awake
- Always burp your baby after feeding and keep them upright for 15 minutes
- Always place your baby to sleep on their back
- Wait three weeks before introducing a pacifier or bottle to prevent nipple confusion
- Avoid pumping for the first three weeks to manage supply
- Don’t forget daily tummy time
- Carve out time for yourself and your partner
- Sleep when the baby sleeps
- Eat healthily
- Reach out for support
Despite the abundance of guidance, postpartum mental health support is often lacking. During my brief hospital stay, a social worker offered a mere five-minute phone consultation, casually breezing through resources before advising me to remind my husband to support me. When I suggested she speak directly to him, she declined.
The overwhelming focus on the newborn can overshadow the mother’s needs, leading to a lonely and bewildering experience. I found myself late at night, searching for answers about my own postpartum pain and emotional state. The irony of being a mental health professional yet feeling lost in this new role was not lost on me. I was unprepared for the challenges of motherhood and felt immense pressure to be a perfect mom.
The societal expectations surrounding motherhood crept in, leading me to judge my competence and worthiness. I constantly reminded myself that “perfect mothers don’t exist,” yet I still felt like I was falling short. My fears of inadequacy surfaced, making me question my ability to provide the best care for my child.
I realized that the narrative society imposes on mothers—that they must excel without complaint—was affecting my mental health. I often overlooked the hard work I was doing, from soothing my baby’s cries to managing daily tasks. Unfortunately, society tends to overlook the struggles of mothers and their emotional well-being, as reflected in our national maternity leave policies.
I also had difficulty granting myself grace and understanding, despite knowing that mothers deserve more recognition and appreciation. The guilt I felt for not enjoying every moment of motherhood was overwhelming. I grappled with feelings of sadness, resentment, and longing, especially during the isolating times of the COVID-19 pandemic.
With the help of my therapist, I began to validate my feelings and understand that it’s okay to experience a range of emotions. I learned that motherhood is an all-consuming role, especially with a newborn, and it’s natural to feel overwhelmed. Thankfully, I reached out for support, which was a crucial step towards healing.
I also want to acknowledge my own mother, who played a vital role in my journey. Experiencing motherhood has given me a newfound appreciation for her sacrifices and love.
The profound loss of freedom that comes with becoming a mother was something I had heard about but never fully grasped until I experienced it myself. Motherhood requires immense selflessness, and adjusting to this reality can be challenging, especially for those who are used to independence and structure.
As I navigated the early days, I began to understand that my identity as a person didn’t disappear; it merely transformed. I realized that being a mother doesn’t mean saying goodbye to my other facets; rather, it’s a new chapter where I can embrace all parts of myself.
My new approach during the remainder of my maternity leave is to be as present as possible with my baby, allowing myself to feel and express all emotions, even the difficult ones. I remind myself that I can love my baby while still disliking certain aspects of motherhood.
As I write this with my baby peacefully napping, I feel hopeful that things can improve. I wish I had more guidance during the newborn phase, but I’m grateful to have emerged from the challenging times. My hope is that sharing my experience resonates with other mothers, reminding them they are not alone.
There is no one right way to navigate motherhood. Each day brings new lessons, and it’s essential to embrace the journey, accepting that we are enough as we are, imperfections and all.
Links to Explore:
For more insights, check out this related post on postpartum experiences. If you’re considering options for fertility, you can find valuable information from Make A Mom and explore the FAQ on fertility insurance at UCSF.
Potential Search Queries:
- Postpartum mental health support
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- Dealing with postpartum emotions
- Self-care for new moms
- Breastfeeding challenges
Summary:
This article discusses the author’s postpartum journey as a new mother, highlighting the emotional challenges and societal expectations surrounding motherhood. It emphasizes the need for self-compassion, acknowledging that feelings of inadequacy are common. The author shares insights on navigating the transition to motherhood while maintaining one’s identity and encourages open conversations about the complexity of maternal experiences.
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