Parenting is a labor of love, but it often comes with an overwhelming sense of being taken for granted. Just the other day, I returned from the grocery store for the second time that week. As I set the bags down on the kitchen island, my oldest child, Alex, immediately rummaged through them without even offering to help. Instead, he pointed out that I had forgotten to grab the pricey almonds he devours in one sitting.
I calmly reminded him that we can’t always stock the house with every little thing he desires at a moment’s notice. I’m not a waiter or a chef; I’m his parent. He’ll have to learn to manage his own shopping when he starts earning his own money and can drive himself to the store. And trust me, when that day comes, I’ll hand him the grocery list and send him back if he forgets anything, all while I relax on the couch.
As I began to unpack the groceries by myself yet again, I glanced over at my children lounging on the sofa, surrounded by a mess of paper towels, juice glasses, and who knows what else. I even spotted some slime and a screwdriver wedged between the cushions. It struck me how they could remain oblivious to the chaos while I felt completely overwhelmed, unsure of where to start reprimanding them.
This is the moment when a mom feels like she’s been working tirelessly, only to be treated like a doormat. It’s the tipping point where frustration can boil over, and even the most patient mothers might snap. In these moments, we might act out of desperation, resorting to yelling or taking privileges away, as we feel invisible in our own homes.
Since my kids were little, they’ve only really paid attention when I’m serious. I’m not claiming to be a parenting guru, but I’ve found that enforcing consequences—like temporarily taking away their favorite items—tends to get their attention. Making them clean their rooms, the basement, or even tackle chores like scrubbing toilets also serves as a wake-up call.
It’s easy to fall into the trap of “I’ll just do it myself” because it seems simpler. I’m as guilty of this as anyone. However, it’s not just about household chores. I love treating my kids to special snacks to show my affection, but I also expect a little gratitude in return. Unfortunately, that’s often not the case. Instead, I find myself in a constant struggle of wanting to do nice things for my children while feeling resentful that my efforts go unnoticed.
This constant push and pull can shift your mood from calm to “What on Earth is happening here?” in less than a minute. It’s maddening, and even if you practice mindfulness or have managed to curb your yelling, it can still be incredibly frustrating to feel overworked and unappreciated.
We don’t raise our kids for accolades, but it’s disheartening to pour so much effort into their well-being without recognition. They might even continue to demand more, oblivious to the mess around them until you reach a breaking point, like after a long day of grocery shopping.
When families start to expect everything from you without any acknowledgment or accountability for their mess, it’s time to reevaluate the balance of responsibilities. While caring for our children is essential, when we start feeling unappreciated and invisible, it’s time to show them what life would look like if we scaled back our efforts.
Sometimes that means “forgetting” to buy their favorite treats. Sometimes it involves making them handle chores like cleaning the toilet. And occasionally, it means taking a day off from your mothering duties and delegating tasks so you’re not doing it all alone the next day.
I remember one time when I decided to take a break and watch some soap operas. Alex looked at me and said he might as well take care of my drink since it seemed like he “had to do everything around here now.” It was one of those moments that felt like a small victory.
Will it last? Probably not. But I’m more than ready to pull the plug on distractions and find ways to make my kids step up when needed. After all, sometimes a little tough love is what it takes to shift the dynamic.
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In summary, as parents, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed and unappreciated in our daily tasks. It’s crucial to establish boundaries and remind our families of the effort we put in, so they understand the value of gratitude and responsibility.
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