As I glance down at my soft, rounded thighs and adjust my swim skirt, a single thought dominates my mind: public pools are not my favorite places.
My daughter, Ava, joyfully splashes around as carefree as any child can be. Meanwhile, my partner, Mark, removes his shirt, momentarily pokes his pale belly, shrugs, and then dives into the water. I, on the other hand, remain seated in a lounge chair, feeling immobilized by the sight of my thighs reflecting the sun’s rays. I find solace behind a large beach bag resting on my lap, convincing myself that watching from a distance is sufficient.
I reminisce about the days before adolescence—when I dashed about in frilly bikinis and spent endless summers by the pool. I could open my eyes underwater, swim to the bottom with ease, and propel myself out of the deep end in no time, chasing friends around the slides. The thought of running around like that now, especially in this braless swim dress, makes me cringe. I wrap myself in a large towel, hiding my self-consciousness.
A group of fit, tanned moms strolls by in their stylish tankinis, and I feel a twinge of envy. My resentment builds. I think I might dislike them even more than the giggling teen girls who squeal when boys tug at their bikini strings. I adjust my straps and hunch my shoulders, acutely aware of my pale, lumpy form.
“Mom! Come join us!” Ava calls out, her voice bursting with enthusiasm. Mark squints at me and asks, “Aren’t you feeling hot?” I shake my head, but I can read the annoyance on his face and the disappointment in Ava’s eyes. How can I explain that my limbs resemble marshmallows, that the swimsuit I thought was cute has transformed into an oversized muumuu, or that I would trade anything for my jeans and a real bra?
As I scan the pool, my gaze lands on another mother—an ordinary mom—wearing a charming swim dress. She holds her child’s hand in the shallow end, seemingly unbothered by the Tankini Moms or the raucous teenagers nearby. She is lost in laughter with her toddler, encouraging her to venture a bit deeper into the water.
Observing my own towel-covered figure, I feel absurd and overheated. Why do I care about my unflattering thighs? Why do I let the immature smirks of those boys get to me? I realize I’m missing the opportunity to teach Ava how to swim underwater!
With determination, I slowly rise from my chair, reminding myself to focus on my daughter rather than my insecurities. I make my way to the pool ladder, ready to embrace the moment.
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Summary
In this reflective piece, the author discusses the challenges of body image and self-consciousness experienced at a public pool, particularly as a parent. Despite feeling embarrassed about her appearance, she recognizes the importance of engaging with her daughter and overcoming those insecurities to create memorable experiences.
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