I’m reaching out to share some context about my daughter, who is usually very well-mannered but might find herself in a bit of trouble at school today.
Last night during dinner, she confided that her most difficult moment at school involved a classmate, “Max,” who wouldn’t stop touching her while they were in line. She expressed that she asked him to stop, but he just mocked her by repeating, “stop it, stop it,” and continued to invade her personal space. While this may seem like a minor issue in the kindergarten world, I believe it’s important to address early behaviors that could escalate over time, as they form the roots of larger societal issues like #metoo.
I understand that your role as a kindergarten teacher is challenging, requiring you to educate and socialize young children while managing their sometimes unpredictable behaviors. From my daughter’s account, it seems that “Max” often needs redirection, which can complicate matters.
As a pediatric psychologist, I recognize that children who misbehave often have their own struggles, including self-regulation challenges or family stress. It’s essential to remember that these children aren’t inherently “bad.” However, I’ve also seen the impact on those who endure the behavior of kids like “Max.” Some children find their voices stifled while others learn to internalize their feelings. I can relate; I was once that girl who chose silence to avoid conflict, but I understand that this is not a space where one should reside.
Children need to learn their value and to assert their boundaries. My daughter knows her body is her own and that she has the right to protect her personal space. However, she is still learning to navigate her place in the world. Research indicates that girls often receive messages that encourage them to be accommodating, while boys are more likely to be encouraged to take up space and assert themselves. This dynamic can lead to imbalances in how they interact as they grow.
When I asked how she responded to “Max’s” behavior, she simply shrugged and looked down, indicating that, at just five years old, she may already be beginning to shrink her own boundaries.
That’s why I’ve encouraged her to advocate for herself. Ideally, she will be heard and respected from the start, but if someone crosses her personal space after she has asked them to stop, she has my full support to assert herself, whether through words or actions. She knows to inform you, a trusted adult, but I also understand that not every situation gets the attention it deserves.
I am teaching her that stepping out of line, both literally and metaphorically, is sometimes necessary for her well-being. While I appreciate the structure you provide, I also want her to feel empowered to redraw lines that aren’t enforced fairly. She has the tools to stand up for herself without being aggressive, and I trust her to make the right choices in those moments.
Ultimately, she has options for addressing “Max’s” behavior, whether that involves loudly asserting herself or using her tae kwon do skills to reclaim her space. She understands that actions have consequences, including the possibility of reflection forms or a visit to the principal, even if she is acting in self-defense. However, remaining passive can also lead to consequences that affect her self-worth.
I don’t advocate for violence, but I do believe in the importance of knowing when to speak up. Teaching children to uphold their boundaries early on can have a lasting impact, shifting the narrative from #metoo to #notme.
I’m raising my daughter to embrace her space and voice, to respect boundaries, and to question those that are drawn improperly.
So, Educator, now you know where my daughter stands. Whether in line or not, I support her completely.
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