Since my daughter was diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder, I often hear well-meaning individuals assuring me that she will “thrive” any day now. They share stories of someone they know—maybe a friend or relative—who is autistic and accomplished, suggesting that my daughter’s journey will mirror theirs. It’s as if they want to convey that there’s a bright future just around the corner.
I understand their intentions, but I also share some of these same hopes for my daughter. However, autism is not merely a label for exceptionally intelligent children with niche interests, and I’m growing weary of people unintentionally imposing that stereotype on her and the broader autistic community.
We frequently see portrayals of autistic individuals in uplifting films and television shows, showcasing their unique abilities in ways that inspire others. We hear about historical figures, like Thomas Edison, who are speculated to have been on the spectrum. On the flip side, the media often depicts those with autism as nonverbal, emphasizing extreme traits. Yet, what we rarely encounter is genuine representation from those who are actually autistic.
When we allow neurotypical individuals to speak for the autistic community, we risk promoting misconceptions about what it means to be autistic. This can be harmful, as it doesn’t affirm or validate the experiences of autistic individuals. The expectations placed on autistic children can be overwhelming; the pressure isn’t placed on neurotypical children in the same way. No one approaches the parents of neurotypical kids with unsolicited motivational anecdotes about their child’s future success.
To foster an inclusive environment for autistic individuals and their families, it’s essential that we listen to autistic voices instead of filtering their experiences through a neurotypical lens. We need to recognize the full spectrum of autism—not just the aspects that fit neatly into a hopeful narrative.
Some children may never communicate verbally, while others may speak fluently at an early age. Both are equally autistic and deserving of respect, regardless of the support they may need. My daughter, though nonverbal and cognitively delayed, has her own ways of expressing herself. She may not be able to tell us when she’s thirsty or hungry, but at nearly four years old, she can adeptly navigate an iPad after her siblings have fiddled with it. We’ve worked diligently on her communication skills through therapy and at home, celebrating each breakthrough together.
It’s important for others to understand that I don’t see my daughter’s diagnosis as the defining aspect of who she is. I don’t feel sadness or disappointment about her future. I don’t view her as a superhuman—she’s simply my child, and I embrace her entirely for who she is. Contrary to popular belief, I don’t require inspirational stories to maintain a positive outlook on her life.
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In summary, my daughter’s autism is a part of her identity, not a narrative for others to project their hopes or stories onto. Every child is unique, and we should embrace their individuality without the need for comparison or inspirational tales.
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