My son was once the kind of kid who shared every little detail. He was known for his outrageous comments, like telling others that my “pee-pee was made out of hair,” and asking strangers if they experienced “smelly bleed,” which, for those unaware, refers to menstruation. Given that I couldn’t have a moment alone in the bathroom for the first five years of his life, I have a treasure trove of stories, but I’ll spare you those.
For a long time, he was an open book. He’s not shy; he has a quick wit and doesn’t shy away from discussing anything, even the most embarrassing topics. It seemed like nothing was off the table until he met someone special over a year ago.
Even now, when I look at him, I still see my little boy in a young man’s body. He knows himself well and enjoys expressing his thoughts. We’ve always had a close relationship, and he usually confides in me during tough times. However, these days, when it comes to his love life, he’s tight-lipped.
Not only does he go quiet, but he also gets irritated when I ask about his girlfriend. He even tried to keep us apart for a while, but she eventually insisted on being part of his family life. When she started visiting more often, my son seemed tense and wouldn’t explain why, which led me to take it personally.
Interestingly, his girlfriend was more than willing to share details about their relationship, which only made him more uncomfortable. I also noticed that whenever I reached out for a hug or a kiss, he would pull away. We’ve always had conversations about many things, including sex, before he started dating her. Now, when I feel it’s most crucial to discuss these topics, he shuts me down and tells me to be quiet.
Despite my frustration, I realized I wasn’t alone in this experience. A friend with a 20-year-old son in a relationship shared that her son had similar struggles balancing both relationships. When I mentioned this to my ex-husband, he laughed, recalling how he felt awkward when his mother showed affection while he was dating.
It’s clear that navigating a new romantic relationship can be challenging for teenage boys, and if your son is pulling away, it’s important not to take it personally. He will always need you, even if it feels like he’s replaced you in some areas. He may now seek her advice on clothing or turn to her for care when he’s unwell, and she seems to have more influence over him.
I still play a significant role in his life, and I’m committed to discussing how I want him to treat women and approach relationships. Just because he appears happy and is in a healthy relationship doesn’t mean my role as a parent is over. He’s still my teenage son, and there’s much more work ahead. I won’t stop talking to him just because he prefers I do.
I’ve come to view his girlfriend as an ally, someone who can help bridge communication between us. It’s not easy to see her as anything other than an obstacle, but I recognize that this is a natural part of his life, and he’s doing his best to manage it.
I don’t need to know every detail about his relationship at all times. I simply want to hear highlights and assure him that he can come to me whenever he needs to. After discussing our boundaries, we’ve reached a compromise—he won’t hide everything, and I’ll hold back on my questions.
So far, this approach is working.
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