As a grieving parent, I often approach films that tackle the subject of child loss with a healthy dose of skepticism. So, when I heard about Netflix’s recent release, ‘The Starling’, I was cautious. This comedy-drama centers around Lilly (portrayed by Melissa McCarthy) and her husband, Jack Maynard (played by Chris O’Dowd), navigating life a year after the tragic loss of their infant daughter, Katie. Early in the narrative, we learn that Jack has been institutionalized following a suicide attempt, leaving Lilly to cope with their overwhelming grief on her own.
Lilly is encouraged by Jack’s counselor to seek help and is referred to Dr. Larry Fine (Kevin Kline), who has transitioned from psychologist to veterinarian. When Lilly meets him, she awkwardly discovers he now works with animals instead of people. As she reveals the cause of Katie’s death—sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS)—it becomes clear that Lilly is alone in her grief.
A pivotal moment occurs when Lilly looks around her neglected garden and realizes that life has moved on without her. It is during this time she finds herself at odds with a pesky starling, which serves as a constant reminder of her loss. Despite the film’s lighthearted tone, Lilly and the bird share a unique bond, leading to a friendship with Dr. Larry that offers unexpected moments of “therapy-not-therapy.”
While many well-known actors contribute to the film, the reception has been mixed. Some critics have dismissed it as trivializing the couple’s grief, suggesting it doesn’t take the subject matter seriously enough. However, as a parent who has experienced a similar loss, I found the portrayal of Jack and Lilly’s coping mechanisms resonant and authentic.
When a child dies from SIDS, there’s a lingering uncertainty that accompanies the grieving process. This film captures that uneasy reality, acknowledging the complexity of grief through humor. I appreciate how ‘The Starling’ explores the often-overlooked perspective of fathers experiencing loss. Traditionally, narratives focus on mothers spiraling after a child’s death, but this film highlights that fathers also bear profound pain.
Jack and Lilly’s journey takes place over a year, a time frame that allows for a different exploration of grief than what is typically depicted in film. Their sorrow is still palpable, but it reflects the reality that bereaved parents eventually must pick up the pieces and continue living.
Some viewers may have hoped for a grand conclusion or an explanation for Katie’s death, but many parents like me know that closure doesn’t always come. Moving forward is often about navigating each day as it comes.
For those who feel ‘The Starling’ awkwardly portrays grief, I would remind them that grief itself is inherently awkward.
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In summary, ‘The Starling’ resonated with me as a bereaved mother. It tackled grief with a blend of humor and honesty, offering a unique perspective on the shared pain of losing a child. Despite mixed reviews, I found its portrayal of Jack and Lilly’s journey relatable and sincere.
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