We’ve all encountered those amusing memes that suggest friendships can withstand even the most significant differences. You know the ones: “This is Mark — he’s a Republican. This is Lisa — she voted Democrat. They’re still friends, blah, blah, blah…” Frankly, I find that hard to believe. It’s completely acceptable to walk away from relationships, especially in light of the tumultuous political and social climate we’ve witnessed. While differing opinions don’t necessarily have to end friendships, it’s essential to recognize that you’re entitled to distance yourself from anyone who makes you feel misaligned.
As COVID-19 swept across the globe, I was unprepared for the whirlwind of changes in my life that would follow: a divorce, single parenting, two relocations, a book deal, a TV hosting opportunity, the publication of my memoir, and managing my own business. All of this, combined with the efforts to avoid a deadly virus while being confined at home, forced me to reconsider how I spent my limited free time. Naturally, this meant I was selective about who I chose to connect with during that period.
One of those individuals was someone I had called my “best friend.” We had bonded over various aspects of life, including motherhood, writing, grief, and marriage, but it wasn’t until the 2020 election season that I realized we were on completely opposite sides of the political spectrum. It started with calm discussions that often ended with me nodding along, as she expressed her opinions. I later recognized that my tendency to back down was allowing her to dominate our conversations and diminish my own views.
As time passed, I began to feel resentment towards our exchanges. I felt unheard and unappreciated, especially when my true crime memoir, focused on victim advocacy, was released. Her dismissive comments regarding my work only deepened my frustrations.
During a small gathering she hosted, she once again began to share her views on the past year and our children’s futures. “I just don’t think our kids will ever recover from this past year,” she lamented, and I felt compelled to respond. “Well, as a former homeschool teacher, I believe our kids are more resilient than we give them credit for,” I countered, hoping to share a perspective that had validity.
However, instead of a thoughtful conversation, I was met with defensiveness. “So, you’re saying I’m a bad mom?” she shot back. I was taken aback; I had merely wanted to express my thoughts. The conversation spiraled into a heated argument, and by the end, I was in tears, realizing our friendship was effectively over.
Initially, losing a close friend over what seemed like trivial differences was painful. While we tried to reconnect via email, it became clear that our friendship had run its course. It wasn’t merely our differing opinions, but rather a deep-seated feeling of being unheard and unseen that prompted me to accept the end of our relationship.
In the end, whether a friendship fades gradually or ends with a bang, it was meant to conclude. Relationships built on mutual respect and open communication will naturally persist. Loyalty is often hailed as a virtue, but what about loyalty to oneself? If a friendship compromises your values, morals, or sense of self, it’s not worth holding onto. Moving on can be a gradual process, allowing time for self-discovery and understanding.
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In summary, it’s perfectly acceptable to move on from relationships that no longer serve you. Prioritize your values and well-being, and recognize that not all friendships are meant to last forever.
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