Kids have a knack for surprising us with their candid remarks, but what about the statements we make to them? As parents, we sometimes say things we later regret, often out of frustration, fatigue, or uncertainty. The sheer volume of parenting literature suggests that we’re all figuring it out as we go along.
We may inadvertently pass on phrases we heard during our own childhoods, but not everything we learned was beneficial. It’s crucial to be more intentional with the guidance we provide to our children. Here are six phrases to avoid saying to kids.
Money
- “I’m not sure how we’ll pay for that.”
- “You just cost me [insert amount].”
- “I work to make money for your needs.”
- “My salary isn’t your concern.”
Children are naturally curious about money, and it’s important for them to understand its value without absorbing adult anxieties. Money can offer security but doesn’t define our worth. Clinical psychologist Dr. Samira Foster advises against sharing financial worries that could make kids anxious, especially since they lack control over these matters. Instead, we should foster an open dialogue about finances to lessen stigma around any economic situation.
Emotions
- “Stop crying.”
- “It’s not a big deal.”
- “You’re fine.”
- “Don’t act like a baby.”
- “Don’t worry about it.”
- “Calm down.”
Has anyone ever told you to calm down when you were upset? It rarely helps. Children experience intense emotions with limited coping skills. According to child psychologist Dr. Amelia Hart, dismissing their feelings can be damaging. Losing a turn on the swing or missing dessert might seem trivial to adults, but for kids, these are significant events. Encourage them to express their emotions and help them articulate how they feel rather than stifling their responses.
Consent
- “Just give Grandma a hug.”
- “You need to share.”
- “Always listen to adults.”
- “It’s rude not to play with them.”
- “We tease the ones we love.”
Teaching kids about boundaries and consent is vital for their development. Allowing them to refuse physical affection, even from family, empowers them to assert their comfort levels. Children should learn to respect their own boundaries and those of others, including adults. They’re under no obligation to engage with anyone who makes them uncomfortable.
Body Image
- “Finish everything on your plate.”
- “You’re getting a bit chubby; exercise more.”
- “I can’t eat that; I’m on a diet.”
The societal focus on body image can be harmful. Instead of promoting diet culture, we should emphasize that food nourishes our bodies, and exercise is about enjoyment rather than weight loss. Cultivating a positive relationship with food and movement is essential. Be mindful of your own body image discussions, as children often mirror adult attitudes.
Confidence
- “You can be anything you want.”
- “You’re so smart!”
- “Just try harder.”
- “You’re perfect just as you are.”
- “Practice makes perfect.”
While we want to motivate our kids, it’s crucial to avoid creating unrealistic expectations. Emphasizing perfection can lead to anxiety and disappointment. Instead, celebrate their unique efforts and creativity, focusing on the process rather than the outcome. Remember, nobody is flawless, and striving for perfection isn’t healthy.
Gendered Expectations
- “Toughen up; crying is for girls.” (Directed at boys)
- “Girls can’t do that.” (Directed at any child)
- “Is she your girlfriend?” (When discussing boys with girls)
- “When you get married…”
- [Insert object] is for [insert gender].
Let’s eliminate gender stereotypes from our conversations. Kids should feel free to explore their interests without being confined by societal norms. Their assigned gender at birth doesn’t dictate their identity, so let them express themselves authentically.
There are countless phrases we should reconsider, as our words can have lasting impacts. We’re not perfect, but we can strive to be more thoughtful in our interactions with kids. If we say something we regret, it’s never too late to revisit the conversation and model humility; it helps build trust and respect.
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Summary:
We need to be more mindful of what we say to children. From discussions about money and emotions to the importance of consent and body image, our words can shape their understanding of the world. By eliminating harmful phrases and promoting a supportive environment, we can help our children thrive.
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