When we were children, we often witnessed our parents spring into action when a friend faced adversity. I vividly recall my mother preparing extra casseroles in her trusty CorningWare whenever someone in our community encountered illness or loss. Back then, it was unclear to me what triggered her compassionate gestures. Now, as adults, it’s our turn to step up for friends who are navigating the harrowing journey of cancer.
For me, it was breast cancer at age 40. Just as I was embracing the realities of middle age, a lump in my breast turned out to be malignant. One moment I was enjoying life, and the next I found myself in an oncology center, often the youngest patient there. The nurses would exclaim, “You’re so young to be here!” which only added to my frustration.
During my treatment, I encountered a neighbor who inundated me with unsolicited advice about alternative therapies. Her daily calls filled with “you should” and “you need to” became overwhelming. I eventually told her, “I don’t engage in things I can’t pronounce,” and distanced myself. An Alcoholics Anonymous friend later educated me on how guilt-inducing phrases like “should” can be detrimental, leading me to adopt the mantra, “Forget ‘should’.”
Now, I have a friend, Sarah, thousands of miles away, facing her own battle with a similar diagnosis. Reflecting on my experience, I want to share insights that may assist you in supporting someone during this challenging time.
1. Treat Them as a Survivor, Not a Victim
Your friend is not at death’s doorstep. During my treatment, well-meaning advice from family often suggested I prepare for the worst. I had to remind them, “I’m not dead yet,” and I withdrew from conversations until I felt ready to reconnect.
2. Send Thoughtful Notes and Cards
Real mail is a delightful surprise. Personalize your cards—keep them light-hearted and genuine. Avoid morose sentiments or sympathy cards that can feel heavy. A simple message acknowledging her strength or expressing your love can uplift her spirits immensely.
3. Take Initiative in Helping
Avoid asking her what you can do; she’s likely overwhelmed and unsure. Instead, take the lead. Offer to help with errands, drop off meals, or even clean her home. When I was unwell, a group of caring women organized a meal delivery that sustained me for months. Their kindness still brings tears to my eyes.
4. Send Care Packages
Remember those fun care packages from childhood? They still work wonders. Fill a box with cozy socks, favorite magazines, or even a playful item like a whoopee cushion to lighten the mood during hospital visits. A thoughtful gift, like the hat I received from a builder friend, can make a significant impact.
5. Stay Present
Don’t disappear during this tough time. Even if you’re unsure of what to say or do, reach out regularly. One acquaintance of mine would check in before my chemo appointments, humorously reminding me to find a more pleasant “date” than the treatment itself. Laughter can be a powerful medicine.
Cancer is a formidable adversary, affecting not just the body but the spirit. However, the strength of women supporting each other can be a formidable force against it. If you know someone grappling with this struggle, consider these insights as a guide.
I’m currently preparing a fun surprise for Sarah, thinking something like a coconut bra and hula skirt could bring a smile to her face during treatment. After all, we’re all too young to be placed in that chair.
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Summary
Supporting a friend with cancer requires empathy, initiative, and a sprinkle of humor. It’s important to treat them as survivors, send uplifting notes, help with daily tasks, and stay present. Thoughtful gestures, like care packages, can provide comfort and joy during tough times.
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