5 Insights I Wish I'd Had About Solo Parenting Two Tweens

This past weekend, while navigating the challenges of solo parenting two tweens, I reached a breaking point. My son erupted in anger over my enforcement of a screen time rule: no phones, tablets, or video games after a specific hour. He could stay up a bit later if he wasn’t tired, but screens were off-limits. His furious reaction echoed the sentiment that all his friends get to stay on their devices as long as they want. Both of us were angry—his outburst a bid for independence, while my frustration stemmed from self-doubt and longing for another adult’s perspective who understood my son’s needs.

That night, after both of us turned in seething, I spent a long time reflecting. I felt woefully unprepared for the challenges of parenting tweens—it seemed like just yesterday they were little kids. The differences in parenting styles between younger children and tweens struck me hard, and I wished I had been more ready for this stage of their lives.

Since I can’t rewind time, I hope to share what I’ve learned for other solo parents who may soon find themselves in a similar situation.

1. Self-Doubt Is Common.

Navigating parenting without a co-partner makes it difficult to judge whether my reactions to situations are justified. While friends and family offer their input, nothing compares to the comfort of having a partner who shares your values and understands your children. Although I still struggle with self-doubt, it helps to remember that my tweens recognize my efforts and love.

2. Guilt Can Be Overwhelming.

Watching my tweens face challenges—socially or academically—often triggers guilt. I find myself wondering if I could have done more if I had more time. The reality is that there will always be things I could have done differently, yet what matters is that I did what I could. Spending intentional time with them, rather than focusing on ‘doing,’ often leads to happiness and growth in my kids.

3. Expect New Levels of Burnout.

This is a tough truth to face. Parenting tweens can be emotionally, mentally, and physically draining. Solo parenting amplifies these challenges. It’s a unique strain that is hard to describe, and the chaos of managing two tweens often leaves me feeling completely exhausted.

4. You’ll Experience Unexpected Joys.

Despite the challenges, there are moments of pure joy. I get to witness their laughter and silliness—traits they often keep hidden from others. They are old enough to enjoy more mature content while still cherishing those late-night movie marathons with me. I often wish their father could see these moments too but feel grateful to experience them for both of us.

5. Your Bond Will Be Incredibly Unique.

The relationship I share with my tweens is something truly special. As the sole parent, I am their safe haven. Everything we’ve been through together—the trauma and loss—has strengthened our bond. We communicate openly about difficult topics, and I cherish those conversations.

After our heated disagreement, my son called for me in that familiar little voice. When I pulled him in for a hug, we talked things through. We didn’t resolve the disagreement about screen time, but we both went to bed knowing we were loved.

Above all, what I wish I knew about solo parenting tweens is that it’s chaotic, yet filled with love.

If you’re interested in more insights on parenting, check out this other blog post for additional resources.

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Summary:

Solo parenting tweens can be a rollercoaster of emotions marked by self-doubt and guilt, but it also brings unexpected joy and a unique bond. Navigating challenges without a partner can be exhausting, yet the love shared is undeniable. It’s essential to focus on being present with your kids and appreciating the moments you have together.