This Year, Let’s Move Beyond Performative Volunteerism and ‘Poverty Porn’

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Recently, while browsing my local parenting group on social media, I stumbled upon a familiar discussion that often arises as the holiday season draws near. Parents were expressing their desire to teach their children a valuable lesson. The common belief seemed to be that today’s kids are overly entitled and need to learn gratitude for their privileges.

The responses, however, were predictable yet unhelpful. One parent suggested that the other should remove everything from their child’s bedroom except the mattress, while another proposed taking the child to various local volunteer opportunities, ironically aiming to instill a sense of gratitude. There are numerous donation centers, soup kitchens, and shelters where kids can ‘learn’ to appreciate what they have, right? Wrong. I firmly believe we need to reject performative volunteerism and ‘poverty porn’ and instead focus on nurturing genuine, year-round gratitude in our children.

Growing up in the 1980s, I often heard parents insist that kids should clean their plates. If a child didn’t want to eat a particular meal—be it Salisbury steak or the infamous meatloaf—parents would remind them that there are starving children in the world. This approach never made anyone more grateful; it merely illustrated that children have their own feelings about food.

In today’s world, social media amplifies this issue. I see parents compelling their kids to volunteer, especially during holidays like Thanksgiving and Christmas, only to post pictures online to showcase their good deeds. It’s ironic to promote gratitude while simultaneously seeking validation from others online. Using those who are less fortunate as props is not just distasteful; it’s a poor way to teach children anything meaningful.

So, what can we do to help our kids genuinely appreciate their privileges? Here are some suggestions that might prove effective:

1. Establish a Thoughtful Financial System.
   My children receive a monthly allowance divided into 50% for spending, 40% for savings, and 10% for charitable giving. Over time, they’ve saved that 10% and used it during the holidays to purchase gifts for donation drives. This method allows them to actively participate in giving and reinforces the lesson that with privilege comes the responsibility to share.
2. Choose a Family Cause to Support.
   When my children were younger, we noticed that they often overwhelmed by the number of gifts they received on their birthdays. We found a charity with a birthday buddy program for kids in foster care and encouraged guests to bring gifts for these children instead. Watching the gifts accumulate, and then donating them together, instilled a sense of joy and pride in our kids, showing that giving can be more fulfilling than receiving.
3. Engage in Service Projects with Clubs or Organizations.
   As children grow, they should explore clubs that offer volunteer opportunities that resonate with their interests. Whether it’s an outdoor clean-up or creating crafts for a local charity, children are more likely to embrace service that aligns with their passions. For example, my daughter, who loves art, once created holiday-themed placemats for a meal delivery service for the elderly.
4. Keep Trying If Something Doesn’t Work.
   If a particular system or service project doesn’t resonate, don’t hesitate to try again. If the financial allowance system flops, explore alternatives. Not every volunteer experience will be a hit, and that’s okay. Demonstrating perseverance in finding what works teaches children resilience.
5. Model an Attitude of Gratitude.
   It’s essential for parents to embody the values they wish to instill. If children don’t see us expressing gratitude or helping others, they won’t feel inclined to do so. A culture of appreciation should be a family endeavor, where expressing thanks and lending a helping hand is the norm.

While there’s nothing inherently wrong with volunteering at a soup kitchen or participating in community clean-ups, these activities should never feel like punishment. A single, forced act of service isn’t likely to create lasting change in a child’s perspective. Instead, we should aim for consistent practices that foster appreciation throughout the year, not just during special occasions.

For more insights on family-centered giving and gratitude, you can check out this other blog post or visit Make a Mom for expert resources on home insemination. Additionally, Resolve offers excellent guidance on building families and understanding various family-building options.

Summary:

This article emphasizes the importance of moving away from superficial acts of volunteerism and instead fostering genuine gratitude in children. It provides practical strategies, such as establishing a thoughtful financial system, engaging in meaningful service projects, and modeling gratitude as parents. The goal is to teach children the value of giving and appreciation year-round, rather than just during the holiday season.