I’ve heard it more times than I can count since my divorce became public knowledge. Comments like, “You’re so fortunate! You get a break half the time,” or “I wish I only had to deal with my kids fifty percent of the time,” have come my way more often than I’d like.
And you know what? It’s not just insensitive; it’s presumptuous and deeply hurtful.
My divorce stemmed from a need to escape a toxic cycle and foster a healthier environment for our children. They deserve better than the constant arguments their father and I had. Despite our efforts to communicate effectively through therapy, we ultimately realized we were not meant to be together, so we decided to part ways as amicably as possible (which wasn’t very amicable at all). We continue to co-parent, striving for kindness, but it’s not always easy.
Co-parenting is undoubtedly one of the most challenging things I’ve faced in life. Beyond the struggles of managing a relationship with someone whose views differ from mine, there are emotional challenges that make this decision feel incredibly heavy. To put it in perspective, my divorce was finalized just ten days before the world was hit by the COVID-19 pandemic. I transitioned from being a full-time mom to a part-time one amid a global crisis.
So, during that fifty percent of the time I don’t have my kids, what do I do? I worry about their well-being with their father, whose parenting style often clashes with mine. Additionally, as a parent sharing custody, I face the constant anxiety of knowing my kids are exposed to a potentially deadly virus.
Moreover, during my child-free time, I have to juggle the demands of work as a single mom trying to make ends meet. The reality is that I’m not lucky to have my children only half the time; the other half comes with the burden of managing a household alone. Most single parents find themselves without the necessary support, making that time away from their kids less about relaxation and more about survival. My “child-free fifty percent” is filled with responsibilities and stress rather than leisure.
Honestly, I feel just as drained as any mom who has her kids 100% of the time. And let’s be frank: as a former educator, I’d much prefer to be exhausted from playdates than from paying bills. Like many parents in similar situations, I’d rather cherish every moment with my kids instead of being separated from them half the time. While it may seem like we’re fortunate from the outside, two conflicting truths can exist simultaneously.
Even if support is available (which is rare in any parenting scenario) and our time isn’t consumed entirely by work (also a rarity), it doesn’t change the fact that divorce is messy and often heart-wrenching, especially when children are involved. There’s nothing fortunate about seeing our kids on a limited schedule; it’s simply heartbreaking. So, please, keep those comments to yourself.
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Summary:
Comments suggesting that having kids half the time is a blessing are often insensitive and overlook the complex emotional struggles faced by divorced parents. The challenges of co-parenting, especially during a pandemic, can be overwhelming, and the reality is that many parents feel exhausted and burdened rather than fortunate. It’s important to recognize the emotional toll of divorce and the difficulties of managing responsibilities while navigating shared custody.
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