Since the Pandemic, More Individuals Are Embracing 'Purposeful' Dating

When I re-entered the dating scene after my spouse passed away, prior to the pandemic, a date of mine cautioned me that navigating the world of dating apps meant witnessing your match swiping for new connections while you were away in the restroom. He mentioned that it was a culture driven by instant gratification, where quantity overshadowed quality. (Yes, I panicked, and no, I didn’t pursue a second date for various other reasons.) Whatever dating was back then, it certainly lacked the essence of purposeful dating.

Then came March 2020. COVID-19 brought life as we knew it to an abrupt halt. Amid the fear and uncertainty of that period, everything was paused—schools, businesses, and social interactions. Over the past eighteen months, life has gradually returned (in some cases, it has trickled back, but that’s another discussion). Almost nothing that has resumed looks the same as it did before. The pandemic altered everything—from our work routines to travel habits, and even our dating practices. More individuals are now focusing on purposeful dating.

A 2021 study conducted by Match surveyed 5,000 singles and found that 58 percent of app users have transitioned to “purposeful dating.” The survey revealed that 53 percent of app daters now prioritize finding a relationship more than before the pandemic, 53 percent are reconsidering the traits they seek in a potential partner, nearly 70 percent are being more transparent with matches, and 44 percent are engaging in deeper conversations with their connections.

Research from Hinge Labs further supports these findings. Hinge’s researchers discovered that “singles took the time during the pandemic to contemplate their dating lives, prompting them to slow down, genuinely reflect on what they desire in a partner, stop unhealthy dating habits, and adopt a more intentional approach to dating.”

What Is Purposeful Dating?

The term “purposeful dating” sounds appealing. I wholeheartedly support the idea of being intentional in all aspects of our lives. But what does it truly mean for dating in the modern age, especially when a plethora of potential matches is just a swipe away?

Purposeful dating is about slowing down. It involves taking a break from the casual swipe right or left culture and being more deliberate in the process. It means reflecting on what you genuinely desire in a partner and examining patterns and habits that might be hindering your search.

In practice, this could mean stepping away from the habit of matching with numerous people and scheduling multiple dates each week. Instead, it could involve getting to know a potential match prior to meeting in person. A shift towards quality over quantity.

Why the Shift to Purposeful Dating?

The transition to purposeful dating is understandable given how the pandemic reshaped our lives. In the early months, anyone outside our pandemic bubble was approached with caution. Loneliness surged, and we all had to reassess our desires and the people we allowed into our lives.

Dr. Sarah Wilson, a sociology professor at Green Valley University and author of the 2020 book “The Dating Dilemma: How Social Changes Affect Modern Relationships,” confirmed this notion in a conversation with TIME. She stated, “People experienced loneliness and took time to re-evaluate their priorities and what they truly want from relationships.”

Dr. Thomas Reed, a sociology professor at Coastal University, mentioned to TIME that while it’s accurate that “pandemics tend to diminish the excitement of ‘playing the field’,” the shift to purposeful dating in a post-lockdown world is actually part of a broader trend that had already been underway. His research indicates that, over the last decade, more individuals have been using dating apps to seek committed relationships rather than casual flings.

The Advantages of Purposeful Dating

Purposeful dating may or may not resonate with you. It’s certainly not a universal approach to dating. (And that’s perfectly fine!)

However, some experts view the shift towards purposeful dating as a beneficial trend. Emma Lawson, a matchmaker and CEO of Elite Connections, believes that taking a step back could create more opportunities for those looking to connect. “People often swiped excessively on dating apps, searching for their ‘ideal match,’ which doesn’t exist,” she noted. With the focus now on being more intentional, it’s easier to realize that perfection is subjective.

Purposeful dating doesn’t exclusively mean seeking a long-term relationship. Some individuals are simply being more mindful about how, when, and why they swipe. This might involve not swiping while their date is in the bathroom, for example. Or, it could mean letting go of overthinking and attempting to “be more present.” Others, like myself, are concentrating on being intentional while dating, which means not rushing into milestones just because time has elapsed or adhering to expectations.

Whether you’re single or not, interested in dating or not, the past year and a half has compelled all of us to reevaluate our values. We’ve had to reflect on who matters most to us and why. Ultimately, we’ve had to consider the kind of life we wish to create for ourselves. Overall, it’s a trend that resonates with many of us.

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In summary, the pandemic has led to a significant shift in the dating landscape, prompting individuals to adopt a more purposeful approach. This trend emphasizes quality over quantity, encouraging deeper connections and more meaningful conversations.