In a poignant piece for Time Magazine, actress Gabrielle Union shares her challenging journey toward surrogacy, detailing her struggles with adenomyosis and various miscarriages. Union’s candid account of the emotional turmoil she faced when her reproductive endocrinologist suggested surrogacy as her best chance for a healthy child resonates with many intended mothers navigating similar paths, including those I encounter through my own surrogacy blog.
My journey to surrogacy was fraught with heartache as well. In 2019, I was expecting our first child, Oliver. During a routine 24-week ultrasound, we learned that Oliver was significantly underweight and that the placenta wasn’t functioning properly. He was born via c-section at just 25 weeks and sadly passed away two weeks later in the NICU. Doctors warned us that we faced a high risk of repeat issues in any subsequent pregnancies, advising me to take baby aspirin as soon as I became pregnant and simply “hope for the best” until reaching 32 weeks. This uncertainty led my husband and me to explore surrogacy, a decision we embraced wholeheartedly.
From the outset, I was open to the idea of surrogacy. Even before my pregnancy with Oliver, I had reservations about carrying a child. I was anxious about weight gain and how I would manage the physical changes. However, once I experienced pregnancy firsthand, my focus shifted from weight to health. I suffered from hyperemesis gravidarum, enduring extreme nausea for most of my five-month pregnancy. The cost of surrogacy (~$75,000) felt daunting, but for us, it was a worthwhile investment for the chance at a healthy baby and a healthier experience overall.
My difficult pregnancy ignited a passion for surrogacy. It made me realize that many people underestimate the challenges that can arise during pregnancy. Experiencing a tough pregnancy fostered a deep appreciation for those who have easier experiences. It also highlighted the potential dangers of pregnancy—what was once a stable blood pressure of 110/70 turned into an average of 140/80 for a year after Oliver’s birth, illustrating the toll it took on my body. Recovery from that experience took a year and a half, affirming the reality that pregnancy can be demanding.
The trauma that led me to surrogacy made finding our surrogate, Lisa, a profound blessing. The emotions I felt when I learned that a stranger was willing to dedicate herself to helping us grow our family are hard to articulate. After all the grief my husband and I endured, Lisa’s willingness to carry our child and offer her body for nine months was an incredible gift. I understand the risks she undertook, and I am endlessly inspired by her bravery.
I forged a connection with our second son, Leo, through my relationship with Lisa. I believed that our bond would positively influence him. One way we nurtured this connection was by preparing meals for Lisa weekly—creating a kind of positive energy that we felt would be passed onto the baby. We communicated frequently throughout the pregnancy, sharing experiences and ensuring each other was doing well. This bond began long before the embryo transfer, making the entire journey feel more fulfilling. Additionally, Lisa listened to a curated Spotify playlist and recordings of my husband singing and me reading to the baby, hoping to make our voices familiar and comforting.
In all honesty, I felt a deeper connection to Leo than to Oliver. The health issues I faced during Oliver’s pregnancy hindered that bond. Society often depicts pregnancy as a blissful experience, but the reality can be far different. Despite what is commonly portrayed, I must admit that having another woman carry my child has been one of the most beautiful experiences of my life.
If you’re interested in exploring further, check out this related post for more insights on surrogacy. For comprehensive information on pregnancy and home insemination, visit this excellent resource.
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Summary:
Surrogacy can be a deeply rewarding journey for those facing fertility challenges. Personal experiences, like those shared by Gabrielle Union and myself, highlight the emotional complexities and the beauty of forming connections with surrogates. The process not only offers hope for a healthy child but also fosters a unique bond between intended parents and surrogates, enriching the journey to parenthood.
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