My daughter, Lily, embodies the essence of a fiery spirit. She wears her emotions openly, takes bold risks, and rushes toward me with her speedy, spontaneous hugs. I’ve been fortunate to experience her vibrant personality for over six years, yet it wasn’t until her fourth birthday that I felt truly prepared to handle her emotional storms. Much like a character from a beloved animated movie, Lily can be set off like a rocket when her feelings become overwhelming. However, with gentle love and the right space to express herself, she quickly transforms back into her sweet, affectionate self.
This means my child experiences emotions deeply and intensely, and navigating her highs and lows has been quite a journey. Caring for a child or teen with such sweeping emotional reactions is challenging, particularly when you’re grappling with similar feelings yourself. This was my reality with Lily for several years until therapy and medication helped me learn to manage the emotional tempest within me. Her spirited behavior often triggered my own feelings, leaving me in a constant state of fight-or-flight.
After a year of counseling, I finally understood why my daughter’s emotional outbursts overwhelmed me. I realized that I had been experiencing significant emotional flooding due to a traumatic past, which adversely affected my mental and physical health. Acknowledging this and working through it has been transformative, especially during the chaotic parenting days of the pandemic.
Emotional flooding occurs when our feelings become so overwhelming that our bodies shift into survival mode, leading to irrational thoughts and reactions. During these moments, stress hormones like adrenaline and cortisol surge, making it challenging to process information calmly. We literally feel inundated with emotions, and our brains perceive immediate danger.
Imagine being a child attempting to cope with the chaos of recent times while witnessing your parents manage overwhelming stress. Kids often express their emotions explosively—not out of malice, but as a reaction to their internal turmoil. I know this from personal experience; I was once a child enveloped in deep feelings without guidance on how to express or regulate them.
It took me a long time to recognize that emotional flooding was a regular part of parenting. Understanding this, shedding the associated shame, and working through my own panic has been crucial. The burden of repressed childhood emotions became evident when I became a parent, unleashing feelings I hadn’t dealt with before.
As noted by child psychologist Stephanie Manes from The Gottman Institute, it’s challenging to manage intense emotions without acting out. However, acknowledging that our perception may be skewed during flooding can help us regain control. This is a vital lesson not just for parents but also for the children and teens navigating these overwhelming sensations.
When a child is caught in a whirlwind of emotions, it’s essential to help them calm their internal systems so they feel secure again. This can be achieved through our words and actions, and by modeling emotional regulation ourselves. When we see our little ones clenching their fists or turning red, we can lower our voices, take deep breaths, and physically align ourselves with them, all while maintaining a gentle demeanor. The goal is to be a safe harbor for our children during these turbulent moments, never punishing them for feeling overwhelmed.
Taking a break from conversations can also provide a buffer between intense feelings and rational understanding. It may take up to twenty minutes for a child to recover from emotional flooding, requiring parents to slow their reactions. While it’s normal to feel ruffled by a child’s distress, we must guide them toward emotional safety as confidently as possible. It’s important to remember not to take their outbursts personally, even if hurtful words surface.
Verbal acknowledgment of your child’s feelings can help them learn to identify their emotions, even if they struggle to articulate them in the moment. Co-regulation—staying in tune with their emotions and responding with patience and empathy—is key. If adults find it challenging to think clearly during flooding, we cannot expect our children to do so either.
From my experience, suggesting deep breaths during a child’s emotional outburst can often backfire. Instead, I prefer to have conversations about breathing techniques after the storm has passed. My daughter has observed me using cold packs to soothe my own emotional overwhelm, demonstrating practical coping strategies.
If you’re navigating emotional flooding, remember that it’s a universal experience. While it’s not easy to wade through a sea of feelings, guiding our kids—and ourselves—toward self-compassion and emotional resilience is invaluable.
For further insights on this topic, check out this related post, or visit Make A Mom for expert resources on parenting and emotional well-being. Additionally, you can find excellent information at ASRM regarding pregnancy and home insemination.
Summary
Emotional flooding in children and teens can lead to overwhelming reactions that are difficult to navigate for both parents and kids. Recognizing and understanding this phenomenon is crucial for providing the support they need. Parents can help their children regulate their emotions by modeling calmness, acknowledging feelings, and practicing co-regulation strategies.
Leave a Reply