Recently, while organizing my daughter Sophie’s cluttered room, I felt inspired to tackle my own wardrobe. Armed with a garbage bag, I uncovered some truly questionable choices lurking in my closet—think animal-print tops, faux leather pants, and other relics from a past life. Here are eight wardrobe pieces that were once my go-to items but will never see the light of day again.
1. Knee-high Heeled Boots
These leather beauties were once my secret weapon for looking polished, reminiscent of Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman. I wore them everywhere—from the office to date nights. However, after having my second child, my feet now feel like they’ve been trapped in a horror movie. The thought of slipping into those heels is daunting. Out of all the items I must part with, I will miss these the most.
2. Thong Underwear
In the chaos of raising a toddler and a kindergartner, I’ve decided that comfort trumps style. My days of wearing thongs are long gone; I prefer my soft, roomy briefs now. This way, if my child decides to pull up my skirt at the grocery store, I can avoid the embarrassing scenario of escaping with a towel over my head.
3. Miniskirts and Short Shorts
There are women who can pull off these styles flawlessly, flaunting long, lean legs. Unfortunately, I was never one of those women, and after kids, I have even less confidence in my ability to wear them. The thought of the grooming required for these outfits alone is enough to make me want to take a nap.
4. Earrings
Once a fan of dangling earrings, motherhood has made it impractical for me to wear them. With my hair brushing against my shoulders and my left ear hole closed up, my beautiful earrings are now useless. I pondered re-piercing my ears, but maybe I’ll wait for a mother-daughter day at the jewelry store with Sophie instead. Alternatively, clip-ons might just be the way to go.
5. Strapless Bras
These have been the bane of my existence long before gravity took its toll. My post-baby figure requires maximum support, and strapless bras feel more like instruments of torture than helpful undergarments. No cute dress will ever convince me to try one of these again.
6. White Pants
Once carefree about wearing white, I now fear the messes that come with having children. The risk of apple juice spills or art project mishaps makes me shudder. I’ll likely avoid white pants until my kids are well into college, and even then, I may remain cautious.
7. T-shirts with Alcohol Logos
As my six-year-old attempts to read everything in sight, I don’t want her to stumble across the word “Heineken” on my old shirts. The days of my Señor Frogs shirt from Cancun in 1994 are behind me. It’s time to retire these party relics.
8. Maternity Clothing
While some maternity dresses still find their way into my wardrobe as “baby doll” styles, I mostly have to admit that it’s time to let go. I’ve accepted that my family is complete, and the lingering presence of maternity clothes is a reminder of that chapter. It’s time to reclaim my closet space.
Reflecting on these items, it’s clear that my wardrobe should reflect the woman I am today—one who embraces comfort and practicality. While I may hold onto a few surprises, like my faux leather pants for special occasions, it’s time for a wardrobe refresh.
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In summary, it’s time to bid farewell to outdated pieces and embrace a wardrobe that aligns with my current lifestyle, one that prioritizes comfort over style.
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