Hey friends, let’s talk about the messy house shame that creeps up on us all. A little while ago, I shared a light-hearted video on Instagram showcasing my home, which was a chaotic playground for my kids. Just the day before, I had cleaned the first floor and was feeling pretty proud of myself. But, as it goes with little ones, that sense of accomplishment faded faster than I could blink. Within hours, my kids had turned the house upside down, completely oblivious to the order I had worked so hard to create.
Picture this: my kids charging into the living room with popsicles, ready to dive into their favorite show. Meanwhile, I was left standing amidst a sea of toys, snacks, and remnants of play-doh, feeling the weight of disappointment wash over me. I realized I needed to find a way to cope with these feelings, so I decided to document the chaos, hoping to bring a smile to others who might be in the same boat. I figured if I could share a laugh, maybe I could ride that shame train right back out of town.
Of course, I faced a bit of backlash from some overly critical folks online who labeled me a “lazy” parent. It was as if they had taken my inner doubts and threw them back at me. One comment, in particular, stuck with me: a woman named Sarah told me to simply keep my house clean because it’s “easy.” Oh really, Sarah? For me, cleaning is quite the challenge.
Some days, it’s a struggle just to rise out of bed. My anxiety can be overwhelming, and I deal with chronic pain that can leave me immobilized. Plus, balancing my husband’s ADHD and the energy of two lively kids—one of whom seems to change outfits like it’s a sport—adds a hefty layer of chaos. Not to mention, I’m back to being a work-from-home parent, juggling all of this with grace (or at least trying to).
So, when the guilt and shame start to bubble up, here’s what I do to cope. These steps aren’t foolproof, but they help me get through the day with a little more self-compassion and a lot less judgment.
1. Take a Breather
When shame hits hard, I step outside for a moment. A little fresh air and some deep breaths can work wonders. My mental health matters way more than a clean house. It’s also a reminder that I’m no longer in that chaotic environment from my past, and I’m learning to let go of those old protection mechanisms.
2. Remember My Worth
I remind myself that my value isn’t tied to how clean my home is. There’s no moral high ground in having a spotless house. We’re all doing our best, and I deserve love and good things, no matter the state of my living room.
3. Share the Load
In a family, cleaning shouldn’t fall solely on one person. I contribute to our home in many ways that don’t always come with immediate results. When I feel overwhelmed, I chat with my husband about it. We sometimes even turn cleaning into a dance party with the kids. It’s not just about scrubbing floors; it’s about making sure I’m taking care of myself, too.
4. One Step at a Time
I tackle cleaning one room at a time and allow myself breaks whenever I need them. If I’m not feeling great, I don’t force myself to clean. It’s all about pacing.
5. Use Helpful Resources
Living with a disability means I have to find ways to adapt my space. I’ve learned a lot from experts like KC Davis, who emphasizes that it’s okay to prioritize self-care. Tools like the CryoBaby home intracervical insemination syringe kit combo can also make life easier when it comes to at-home insemination. Plus, if you’re interested in connecting with others, check out the Make a Mom community for support.
6. Find Humor
I try to sprinkle humor into my day. Social media can be deceptive, and recognizing that everyone struggles behind closed doors helps quiet my inner critic. It’s not my job to measure up to someone else’s standards; my priority is my mental well-being.
7. Acknowledge My Past
I’ve realized that my obsession with keeping things clean stemmed from my childhood. I’ve had to let go of that ideal and embrace the beautiful mess that comes with family life. Perfection isn’t the goal; creating loving memories is what truly matters.
8. Embrace the Mess
There’s a saying that goes, “Please excuse the mess—my children are making memories.” When I feel overwhelmed, I remind myself that my kids are exploring and expressing themselves, and that’s what counts. The mess will be there, but the memories we make together? Those last a lifetime.
These steps might not resonate with everyone, but that’s the beauty of our parenting journeys. We each create our own path in managing the chaos at home. At the end of the day, we’re so much more than the mess around us.
In summary, when the shame of a messy house creeps in, I take a step back, remind myself of my worth, share responsibilities, and embrace the beautiful chaos that comes with family life. It’s not about competing in a cleaning contest; it’s about cherishing the moments we create together.
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