My daughter Lily is a true embodiment of her zodiac sign, and she wears her heart on her sleeve. With her spontaneous hugs and fearless approach to life, she brings a whirlwind of emotions into our home. I’ve had the joy of watching her vibrant personality blossom for over six years, but it wasn’t until her fourth birthday that I really started to grasp how to support her emotionally. Much like the fiery spirit in “Frozen 2,” Lily can go from radiant joy to explosive emotion in the blink of an eye. But when I give her the love and space to express herself, she transforms back into a cuddly little sweetheart.
Lily feels intensely, and navigating her rollercoaster of emotions has been quite the journey. It’s challenging to support a child or teen who experiences overwhelming feelings while dealing with your own at the same time. I know this firsthand, as I found myself frequently overwhelmed by her passionate outbursts, often feeling like I was caught in a whirlwind of anxiety.
After a year of therapy, I learned that I was experiencing emotional flooding due to past traumas, which significantly impacted my well-being. Understanding this has been a lifesaver, especially during the chaotic parenting days of recent times.
What is Emotional Flooding?
Emotional flooding occurs when our emotions become so intense that our bodies shift into survival mode. It’s like a fast track from rational thought to a state of emotional chaos, where everything feels like a threat to our safety. Stress hormones like adrenaline and cortisol spike, making it hard to think clearly. Our bodies react just like they did in the past when faced with danger—heart racing, breath quickening, and muscles tensing.
Understanding Children’s Emotions
Now, let’s put ourselves in the shoes of a child navigating the chaos of the past couple of years. They are not only feeling their own emotions but also absorbing the stress and tension from their parents. Children often express these intense feelings in unexpected, explosive ways, and it’s essential to understand that they aren’t doing this on purpose. Reflecting on my own childhood, I know how it feels to be overwhelmed with feelings and have no guidance on how to process them.
It took time for me to recognize that emotional flooding was a common theme in my parenting experience. Once I began to talk about it and address the emotions tied to my past, I started to find relief. It’s worth noting that it’s not easy to control our reactions when we’re feeling extremely upset. As Stephanie Manes from The Gottman Institute points out, recognizing that our perceptions can be skewed during these moments can help us regain some control.
Helping Children Cope
What about the kids? When they’re caught in an emotional storm, it’s much harder for them to articulate what they’re experiencing. I often struggle to understand my own emotions, so expecting a child to do so is unrealistic. According to my fantastic therapist, the best thing we can do is help our children calm down their internal systems to feel safe again. We can achieve this through our words and actions, and by modeling calm ourselves.
When you notice your child’s fists clenching, their face turning red, or signs that they might erupt, try lowering your voice, breathing deeply, and getting down to their level. It’s crucial to ensure they don’t hurt themselves or anyone else, but also to respond with gentleness and composure. The goal is to create a safe environment for them during these moments, without punishing them for feeling overwhelmed. Taking a break from the conversation can also create space for understanding.
Emotional flooding can take time—sometimes up to twenty minutes—to ease. As parents, it’s natural to feel rattled by our children’s outbursts, but they need us to guide them toward emotional safety. It’s essential to not take their words personally, even when they shout things like, “You’re so mean!”
Acknowledging their feelings verbally can help children learn to identify and express their emotions. However, they may not always have the words to describe what they’re experiencing in the heat of the moment. This is where co-regulation comes into play—staying emotionally tuned into what they’re feeling and responding with patience and empathy. If we can’t think straight during flooding, we can’t expect our kids to either.
I’ve learned that reminding my daughter to breathe deeply during her meltdowns often annoys her, so I discuss the benefits of deep breathing after the storm has passed. She also sees me using a cold pack on my forehead when my own stress levels spike, which can trigger the diving reflex and help me regain composure.
Resources for Support
If you’re experiencing emotional flooding, remember that you’re not alone. This phenomenon is universal, and while it’s not pleasant, guiding ourselves and our kids through it is crucial for building self-compassion and emotional resilience.
For those interested in family planning, consider checking out resources like Make a Mom for at-home insemination solutions or Hopkins Medicine for information on fertility services. Plus, if you’re curious about how at-home insemination works, take a look at this guide. And for those looking to connect with others in the same boat, join the Make a Mom Facebook group.
Conclusion
In summary, emotional flooding is a natural response to overwhelming feelings, and understanding it can help both parents and children navigate these challenging moments. By responding with empathy and creating a supportive environment, we can foster emotional resilience in ourselves and our kids.
Leave a Reply