Hey there! As I gear up for my fifth holiday season as a single mom, I can’t help but feel a mix of excitement and nostalgia. I absolutely love this time of year—it’s like a kid’s thrill for Christmas! I decorate early, dive into holiday movies right after Halloween, and plan my cookie baking all year long. But let’s be real: the holidays can also bring back memories of my past life and the challenges of my divorce.
When my ex, Jake, and I split, it was amicable, and I thought I had it all figured out for that first holiday season alone. I was ready to embrace being a single parent, thinking everything would be fine since he had been gone for almost a year. But then, one day, I pulled into the driveway, saw the first snowfall, and was hit by a wave of memories that left me feeling low. That year, I just went through the motions and tried to keep my tears at bay in front of my kids.
As moms, we carry a lot during the holidays. We’re often the ones creating that magical experience, and doing it solo can feel overwhelming—even if you’re okay with being alone. You might find yourself juggling shopping lists, figuring out gift coordination with your ex, and managing your emotions while keeping the holiday spirit alive for your kids.
Through the years, I’ve learned some strategies that have helped me enjoy the season, and I hope they can help you too. Just because you’re no longer with your partner doesn’t mean you can’t celebrate the holidays!
Embrace Alone Time (If You Have It)
If you’re co-parenting and your ex has part-time custody, it can be tough. I had to accept that I couldn’t control everything. I want my kids to have a great relationship with their dad, who is truly an amazing parent. During those first holiday seasons, I stayed busy when they were with him. I wrapped gifts, hosted parties, and even picked up some new hobbies. Now, I’ve learned it’s okay to just be, to find what feels right for me.
Do Less
You don’t have to go all out if you don’t want to. Whether it’s getting a pre-cut tree or simply decorating a plant, choose what works for you. Don’t stretch your budget just to show love through gifts. Focus on what you can handle to keep your spirits up.
Prepare for Tough Moments
Anticipating challenges can help. That first year hit me out of nowhere. Understand that it’s okay to feel sad; ignoring those feelings only makes them stronger. Talking it out with someone you trust or journaling can be a great outlet.
Start New Traditions
Consider starting traditions you enjoy—something your ex might not have liked. Whether it’s trying a new recipe or watching a specific movie, creating new memories can be uplifting.
Share Your Feelings with Your Kids
You don’t have to hide your emotions. It’s perfectly fine for your kids to see you sad sometimes; it teaches them empathy. Just saying something like, “Mommy is feeling a bit down,” can open the door for understanding.
Celebrate on Your Own Terms
If your kids are with their dad on Christmas Day, you can choose another time to celebrate. Remember, it’s just a date on the calendar!
Reach Out for Support
Don’t hesitate to let friends and family know you’re struggling. Whether it’s a quick text or a coffee date, people often don’t realize you might need a little extra love during this busy season.
Take Care of Yourself
Treat yourself! Whether it’s a pair of earrings, a spa day, or simply binging your favorite show, don’t skip on self-care. It doesn’t have to be extravagant; it just has to feel special to you.
The holidays can be tough for many, especially single moms. But remember, each year gets a little easier. You’ve got this!
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