My partner, Jake, is an incredibly talented artist and an amazing person. Honestly, he’s so gifted that it almost makes me feel a bit envious! He’s been sketching since he was a kid, and his fantastic drawings of superheroes and cartoon characters were one of the first things that attracted me to him. I’m not exaggerating when I say that Jake is a true treasure, and I feel so fortunate to love him. Jake also happens to be one of the millions of people in the U.S. living with ADHD, a complex and genetic condition that affects the brain.
Growing Up with ADHD
Growing up, Jake faced a lot of anxiety due to his ADHD diagnosis in his teenage years. The challenges he encountered as a young person in a world that didn’t always understand him were tough. It took quite a while in our relationship before Jake felt comfortable enough to share his diagnosis with me. When he finally did, it opened up a flood of emotions for both of us.
That year was filled with some difficult days, but I’m thankful — and a bit surprised — that we came through it still wanting to be close. I often wish he could have shared his condition with me earlier, but deep down, I had an inkling that something was unique about Jake. He would dive into his art projects with such intense focus that it was hard to pull him away. On the flip side, he often left his belongings scattered around, forgot about our plans, and struggled with lengthy conversations. I just knew there was something going on, and I wanted to understand him better. But discussing a condition often judged and misunderstood can be tough.
The Impact of ADHD
Jake was just a typical kid when he was diagnosed with ADHD back in the nineties. Back then, the go-to approach was to prescribe medication to kids struggling with focus and behavior, viewing it as a nuisance that disrupted learning. Jake tried medications that left him feeling lethargic and down. The vibrant energy that once defined him faded, leaving behind a confused and frightened kid who felt powerless. While therapy offered some relief, it often reinforced a sense of being problematic. Growing up in middle school during a time when neurodiversity wasn’t widely recognized only added to his feelings of isolation.
I can’t help but wonder how different things would have been for him if people had understood neurodiversity back then, which impacts 15-20% of the global population – that’s about one billion people! Coined by Australian sociologist Judy Singer in 1998, neurodiversity celebrates the brain differences that shape how we think and communicate. It’s about recognizing that these variations are part of the human experience and shouldn’t carry stigma. We should be striving to create inclusive environments that support neurodiverse individuals and ensure everyone has equal opportunities to thrive.
Family and Support
I never blame Jake’s family for the struggles he faced. They were navigating uncharted territory without many resources or examples to follow. In a time when discussions about neurodiversity were scarce, Jake’s diagnosis led to emotional numbness and shame. Eventually, his parents opted to take him off medication and provided as much support as they could. Still, Jake felt incredibly lonely for a long time, which breaks my heart.
Sadly, Jake’s experience is all too common. ADHD often overlaps with mental health issues in children, and the stigma surrounding it can exacerbate feelings of inadequacy. Recent studies indicate a concerning link between ADHD and a higher risk of suicide among young people, highlighting the urgent need to listen to and learn from our neurodiverse children. We must adapt our expectations and make necessary accommodations to help them flourish, whether in school or extracurricular activities.
As noted by experts from the University of Melbourne, “young people are particularly affected by this judgement and stigma.” They often feel different, inadequate, or embarrassed because of their ADHD. This response is understandable, especially for those who have faced harsh criticism from peers or loved ones. Fortunately, Jake had someone who believed in him. A high school teacher recognized his artistic talent and allowed him to express himself through drawings in his assignments. This support helped Jake feel validated. He also found guidance from his grandfather after dropping out of high school, giving him the motivation he needed to eventually earn his GED and pursue a career in animation.
Embracing Neurodiversity
Today, Jake is not only thriving in his profession but also an incredible partner and father who constantly shows love and generosity. While I can’t change the past, I’m committed to being the advocate he deserves. Living with someone who has ADHD comes with its challenges, but it also brings unique joys and insights. As I embrace Jake’s neurodiverse perspective with curiosity and compassion, I also strive to lighten his load when the pressures of an ableist society weigh him down.
Jake deserves to know he is valued and respected. His ADHD isn’t just a series of obstacles; it’s part of what makes him uniquely him. The world needs to embrace that reality, especially for our neurodivergent children who want nothing more than to be seen as worthy and incredible.
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Summary
Jake, my partner with ADHD, is a brilliant artist navigating the complexities of neurodiversity. His journey reflects the need for greater understanding and support for individuals with ADHD. By embracing his unique perspective, we can foster a more inclusive environment for everyone.
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