The other day, my teen, Mia, threw me a curveball during breakfast. Out of the blue, she asked, “Isn’t Thanksgiving just cultural appropriation?” I was taken aback and asked her where that thought came from. She said it just popped into her head. After gulping down some coffee, I pulled out a few of those nonfiction Thanksgiving books we bought last year.
In our family, discussions about cultural appropriation, systemic racism, and colonization are pretty common. As a multiracial family, we face these topics head-on, and I genuinely value Mia’s question. It made me rethink, once again, whether we should even be celebrating Thanksgiving. Isn’t it just another holiday rooted in colonization—alongside Columbus Day? (Don’t even get me started on Independence Day; that’s a rant for another time.)
Thanksgiving has Mia thinking critically, which is something I encourage. Are we being hypocritical by celebrating? Is there a way to honor the holiday without glossing over its dark history? Should we just skip it altogether? Or is it acceptable to gather with family and focus on the food, pretending the troubling stories of pilgrims and Native Americans don’t exist? Raising my four kids to think critically is definitely a journey.
I shouldn’t be surprised that this topic came up, especially since we usually dive deep into discussions about Halloween each fall, which is a prime example of cultural appropriation. We’ve talked about why it’s not appropriate for a white kid to dress up as a Native American princess or why blackface is never acceptable. These conversations have opened up discussions around cultural appropriation versus appreciation.
Navigating this phase of parenting tweens and teens who are starting to think deeply is fascinating. Instead of just telling them that issues like racism, homophobia, and sexism are wrong, they’re starting to explore these topics on their own. Just two weeks ago, we had a heated conversation about abortion—again, over a meal. Rather than me ranting, I asked my kids for their opinions, and they gave some fiery counterarguments, or as fiery as you can get with kids.
With their critical thinking comes a fair amount of sass. Sometimes, they call me out on my own contradictions. For instance, when I enforce the one-dessert-per-day rule, they’re quick to point out when I’ve indulged in chocolate after lunch and then had a cookie after dinner. (Oops.) Actions truly speak louder than words, especially to our kids.
I’m proud of how my kids challenge policies—like dress codes that have racial undertones. They recognize inequities and feel empowered to speak up. For example, why are there restrictions on hairstyles when Black kids typically have thicker, more voluminous hair? These discussions have opened their eyes to systemic racism, which infiltrates numerous aspects of life.
We’ve also had tough conversations about why my kids can’t play with toy guns outside like their white friends do. My husband once took our son, Jake, to the park, and Jake spotted a classmate with a toy gun. He wanted to join in but needed a reminder that it wasn’t a safe choice. It was a hard conversation, but vital, leading to further discussions about policing and justice system disparities.
Some folks—usually white—have warned me about protecting my kids’ innocence, suggesting they shouldn’t worry about adult issues. However, children of color don’t have the same privileges. They can’t play with toy guns without fearing for their safety. We’ve talked about why they have rules their white peers don’t face, like keeping their hoods down in stores and always getting a bag and receipt for any purchase. Many white parents might see these as excessive, but for us, they’re essential safety precautions.
I want my kids to feel comfortable asking questions and understanding the “why” behind rules and history. It’s important for them to make informed choices, especially when it comes to holidays. Racism doesn’t take a break for national or religious holidays.
Another engaging topic has been the portrayal of Jesus, especially during Christmas. As a Christian family, my kids often remind people that “Jesus wasn’t white.” Historians note that Jesus had darker skin, yet many nativity scenes depict him as a blue-eyed, light-skinned figure. What’s up with that?
Raising culturally aware kids is an ongoing effort, but it’s incredibly rewarding. Recently, Mia’s class discussed cultural appropriation, and she confidently pointed out that some sports teams have inappropriate names, which thankfully have been changed. Most teens don’t even think about these issues.
Do I worry I’m burdening my kids by teaching them about historical inaccuracies and problematic policies? Nope. I believe I’m empowering them to think critically and stand up for what’s right. I want them to do their own research and be proud of their identities.
As for Thanksgiving this year, we’re planning to COVID-test and gather with close family for some football and food. We’ll also read those accurate Thanksgiving books in preparation for the holiday. This feels like a good compromise for now. As my kids grow older, they’ll have the autonomy to decide what Thanksgiving means for them. It’s always a topic open for discussion in our home.
In summary, encouraging critical thinking in my children about cultural issues, including Thanksgiving, is an essential part of our family discussions. We navigate complex topics together, empowering them to form their own opinions and engage with the world thoughtfully.
Leave a Reply